Making A Difference

Greetings all,

I'm gonna keep this short. I've decided to follow a passion of mine by joining the Board of Directors of DakodaLove Pet Project (Inc. pending). I will also be Treasurer (God help us).

DakodaLove specializes in pit bulls and other "bully breeds," not because we want to, but because we have to. Hundreds are killed daily at animal shelters in the tri-state area due to over-breeding (we know why) and misinformation (google "the nanny dog"). We will rest when that number is zero.

If you have any interest in our mission, please join our fan page on Facebook HERE .

Our website will be operational in the coming weeks.

Our first fundraiser will be at Tommy's Tavern on March 20th, for an evening of punk/alt bands (cover is ten bucks, with all proceeds going to DakodaLove). Alas, I have a gig that night and won't be able to make it.

The next fundraiser will be a comedy night at Gotham Comedy Club on April 12th at 8 PM. We will feature comics you've seen on Comedy Central, NBC, MTV, PBS (you get the idea). I will be emceeing the event, which will cost twenty-five bucks (with a two-drink minimum).

I hope some of you can join us.

Thanks.

Harris

Yes, Another (Short) Dog Related Post

Dog owners all compare our dogs to people, but the fact is, there are some good attributes in people that we wouldn’t even want in our dogs, like spontaneity, cause if your dog does something spontaneous, it’s never good. It’s never gonna be..I came home from work and found Kilo waiting for me by the door with homemade cookies…it’s more like I watching TV when out of nowhere, Kilo took a crap on the rug.

Harris

The Dog Diet

They're always inventing new ridiculous diets (if I cared more, I'd link to some of the more absurd ones here...just assume that I have done just that). Well, I've got one of my own. It can be explained in three words: Get a dog.

Since I've gotten Stewie, my caloric intake has been lowered by one-third, as not only do I give him about a quarter of every meal I eat, but I eat fewer snacks as I know that most ain't good for him.

Rock On,

Aitch

Too Much To Ask For

I see there's a new study out that claims that dogs yawn when they see us yawn. (btw - "yawn" is an odd sounding word, no?)

If only dogs also wouldn't toss the ball under the sofa if we didn't toss the ball under the sofa.

Rock On,

Aitch

Happy Birthday Stewie!

Today's my pup's birfday.

So tonite, he gets his own burger...which actually works out for me as I wont have to share mine.

He's four years old. I swear, it seems like only yesterday when he was constantly nudging a ball into my hands to throw, sitting at my feet while I ate, hoping for scraps and licking my armpits for some bizarre reason.

Oh wait...that was this morning.

Anway, if you're reading this, Happy Birthday Stewbert!

BTW - I heard the book which contains an essay I wrote about Stew was featured on the front page of Publishers Weekly.

Rock On,

Aitch

The Ultimate Dog Lover

So, I've got personal essays in two upcoming books. They are actually both coming out around the same time but since I just got a pic of the book cover of one, I'll plug that one first...



This will include my story of how I obtained my pup Stewie.

"A New York Love Affair" details how I purchased Stew, thinking he was pure-breed, but soon found out otherwise. Even so, I don't feel ripped off at all.

It's basically the feel-good story of the year, if not the decade (which is also "the century.")

Rock On,

Aitch

Stewie vs. The Sheriff of Urine Park (and the NYPD)

Josie and I (somewhat) affectionately refer to the small park next to our apartment as Urine Park. Reason being that's where everyone brings their dog to do their business. During the summer, the smell is so strong that we feel a song -"Downwind At Urine Park" - may be in order (lyrics to come).

My building's super (insert pic of Schneider) is in charge of keeping Urine Park clean. Here he is doing just that this AM...

Due to Stewie's ball-playing proclivities (technically, illegal in Urine Park), The Sheriff and Stewie (ok, I) play a game of cat and mouse (or dog) every morning as I watch for him as I take Stewie off the leash and begin throwing the ball. He's caught me a couple of times, asking me to put Stew back on the leash, that if he let Stew off, he'd have to let all the dogs off. Which is fine...he's doing his job.

A couple of weeks ago, a new wrinkle: Some NYPD traffic cop started parking her little car right outside Urine Park, every friekin' morning. Then, she'd sit in it, and read a newspaper and drink coffee. We had stopped playing there...until this morning.

Before taking Stew out, I was watching The Shawshank Redemption for the thirteen hundredth time, and I couldn't help but think....

Get Busy Livin' Or Get Busy Dyin'

So we went out, ball in hand, and played, right in front of the cop.

And we got a ticket...

just kiddin' - that woulda sucked.

We played...the cop never looked up from her paper, and then you know, we went in. Umm, that's it.

To make this entry worthwhile, here's a blurry pic of Stewie after he got into the laundry...

Rock On,

Aitch

Just Put Stewie On The Phone

As everyone knows, I'm a lil insane about my pup, Stewie...it figuratively killed me to have to leave him with someone for a week. I asked the person if she'd mind if I texted her to make sure everything was ok.
"Sure," she said.
So the first two days, I texted, "Everything ok?"
"Yes," she wrote back.

I wanted her to tell me more as "yes" didn't really quantify just how okay he was. So, on the third day, I wrote, "How is everything?" assuming that an open-ended question may open her up a bit.

The answer came back in two minutes...

"Okay."

Rock On,

Aitch

A Call To The Vet

"Yeah, hi, this is Harris...my dog is Stewie. I bring him there. He just peed a little blood. He was treated like a year and a half ago for crystals in his bladder...got special dog food and something to put in his water. He's been fine since, until tonite. I don't know if he peed blood before as I don't really look at it. Can I make an appointment for tomorrow...or should I see if he pees blood again?"

"You realize this is a restaurant, right?"

Rock On,

Aitch

How Dogs on the Upper West Side Roll

Took this picture at my dog run....




Yup... Sushi and Chardonnay

Upper West Side dogs don't drink Merlot.

UPDATE: Someone called to tell me those are Champagne flutes... figures.

Rock On,

Aitch

If you recall, Stewie was recently on The CBS Early Show to test this new dog IQ test.

I have joked that I didn't know if I wanted him to do it for fear that we'll find out that he's smarter than I am.

ha ha, right?

Well...

Last night, I was putting treats into the kong toy for Stewie to get out. A couple I had to jam in there and tried to get them out, figuring Stewie wouldn't be able to. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to. I tried for a few minutes to no avail. Josie said that I should just give it to Stewie anyway...that's the idea...it'll give him something to do.

Two minutes later, he got them out.

Rock On,

Aitch

I Think I Know Why Some Eat Their Crap

Every time my dog takes a dump, I say, "Good boy!" then I give him a treat, pick up the crap in a special bag, and take a look at it. Then I place it in a basket (much like I place his toys in a basket).

He must think it's some kind of delicacy.

Rock On,

Aitch

This Year...

I'm gonna throw a surprise birthday party for my dog.

So if you see him, play it like you don't know anything.

Rock On,

Aitch

Here Ya Go!

Video of Stewie and I on The CBS Early Show.

I think my comments make Stew seem mentally challenged.

btw - Noticed how I stopped myself from cursing?

Also, I can't help but think the German Shepard owner cheated. See how the blanket was slightly pulled up? The dog knew how to get in! (Not that I'm bitter)

Here's a written summary.

Rock On,

Aitch

Couple of Notes While I Try To Wake Up...

First of all, yes, Stewie and I were on the CBS Early Show this morning. I will try to get a video of it on Youtube by the end of the week. I'll also see if they put it on their website. They did show me throwing out a few good lines.

Secondly, older readers may remember going on this ridiculous talk show a while ago. Anyway, they just called to see if I wanted to go back. After pausing for a second and a half, I said, "Sure!" so watch for a blog about that.

Thirdly, my last show (ever?) in Lancaster was cancelled last night due to a lack of reservations. I found out at 6:30 PM and was on a train by 7:40. At 8:03, I got a got on my cell.
"Harris?"
"Yeah?"
"It's Matt. Where are you?" Matt's a buddy I knew from college. He now lives in Rochester (or thereabouts). Hearing him asking where I was gave me a sick feeling in my stomach.
"I'm on a train. My last show was cancelled. Why? Where are you?"
"I'm at Stitches Comedy Club (shit). Here with Sandy (shit!), my sister, her husband and a few other people (SHIT!!!)"
"What the heck..."
"I wanted to surprise you by coming."
"Umm, surprise?"
"Yeah, we got a baby sitter and everything."
"Oh, man, I'm so sorry..."

The rest of the conversation isn't important but it generally consisted of me apologizing and feeling bad.

To add insult to injury, I was bored all weekend, and while Matt was in town, he didn't wanna bug me since he assumed I had brought Josie with me.

Ugh...

Rock On,

Aitch

This Is NOT a Test....

Okay, this is it.

I heard from Josie's bro that he saw the promo for tomorrow's Early Show and this was what they were promising.

I'm sure that not only will Stew get airtime but so will I. How do I know?

Cause they used us for the promo!

Soooo, set yer alarms for 6:30...do whatever ya gotta do to get to yer TV's by 7...and watch The CBS Early Show from 7 to 9.

I'm fairly certain that you, along with the other seven people in America who watch The CBS Early Show, will see why Stewie's the most awesome dog in the history of the universe.

Rock On,

Aitch

IMPORTANT!!

I just got a call from the CBS Early Show. The producer of the segment that Stewie is going to be on was on the other end.

Though it will air, it won't be tomorrow.

Right now, Stewie has locked himself in the bathroom, cause he thinks it's my fault.

I don't blame him.

Ack.

I will (obviously) let y'all know when it will air.

Rock On,

Stewie

Stewie's Big Break

Yesterday, the CBS Early Show spent an hour and a half in our apartment, for this. The segment being filmed was for a new product to test your dog's IQ.

The crew brought the various instruments to test Stewie (e.g. diff colored cups, balls, masks - which will be explained later).

Here were some of my favorite tests:

1 - The reporter (Dr. Debbye Turner - former Miss America btw) took Stewie into the bedroom, while I placed a blanket over my head. I then called him to me. The key was to see if he'd recognize my voice and try to get in. Also, would he be successful...or if he'd get scared? (He tried to get in for a while but then gave up). During this test, I kept pleading with Stew to find me since I was sweating and losing consciousness in there (half true)

2 - I threw a ball and told Stewie to bring it to me. (He did) I then throw the ball but don't say anything (He still brought it back to me - not surprising as Stewie is obsessed with playing ball)

3 - My favorite (I hope this gets aired) - I went into the bedroom and put on a knit hat, the kind that goes over your face, with holes for your eyes and mouth. And then walk into the living room and see Stewie's reaction. The funny part was that I left my glasses on, outside the mask. I looked like a geeky burglar. (Stewie jumped on me while wagging his tail as if I was a giant bone).

Other highlights include...

- Stewie taking breaks during almost every task to lick himself
- Me constantly squealing "You can do it Stewie! C'mon boy! You're right there! C'mon Stewie!"(I'm afraid if they show any of that, every friend of mine will greet me with a high-pitched "Hi Harris! C'mon boy! Here we are! Good Boy!!")
- Me sweating (I was having flashbacks of my the Blind Date incident of 2001, where I was selected to be on the TV show Blind Date but I sweated so much during the filming that they couldn't use it)

ANYWAY, set yer VCR's, DVR's, DVD's (can you record on them?) for Tuesday AM, sometime between 8 and 9 AM...if you wanna see my pup get his first TV credit.

Rock On,

Aitch

He Won't Eat the Green Kibble Anymore

Our dog, Stewie, is a rock star in our 'hood.

Whenever we walk him, passersbys smile. Okay, he gets smiles, we get nothin'. Stewie knows this and usually looks back at us and snickers (Well, that's what it feels like).

Tomorrow, a team from CBS This Morning (or whatever their early show - wait...that's it The Early Show!) is coming to our apartment to film a segment about this new dog IQ test (It is being taped...I'll let you know when it will air).

Super... My dog will get a TV credit before I do.

He's gonna be tough to live with.

Rock On,

Aitch

Ghandi

"One can measure the greatness and the moral progress of a nation by looking at how it treats her animals"

I never used to be an animal lover. Though I'd smile at cute or funny lookin' dogs, I prolly say I was fairly indifferent to their plight.

That changed when I got a dog (which I got only cause my ex wanted one...and I ended up with Stewie in the break-up).

Now, I'm a lunatic. I even produced and MC'ed a comedy show to benefit my dog run.

In fact, last night I saw Braveheart. The battle scenes really disturbed me, not cause the Scots and English were bludgeoning, impaling, stabbing, and otherwise killing each other, but cause of the many horses that died in the battle... I highly doubt they knew what they were fighting for.

In a similar vein, I used to read Gawker religiously. I stopped, as I found its psuedo-snarkiness more and more grating (I say "pseudo" cause I think to write all day about dumb celebs, you are part of the celeb culture - if you really hated the Lohans/Reids/Spears and all their bs, you wouldn't be able to deal with following it all day, every day).

Recently, I started reading it again. I dunno why, I just did...until yesterday. I ain't gonna link to it but they posted a video of a U.S. soldier throwing a dog off a cliff. Of course it was accompanied by their usual snarky commentary, comparing it to a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

I aint' gonna waste anymore time on it, or their site.

Rock On,

Aitch