Monday, August 27, 2007


I want to buy some new polo shirts, so I asked a co-worker, who was wearing one I liked where he got it, he said, "My grandfather."
"Yeah, when he died I got a bunch of them."
I blinked twice and changed the subject.

Rock On,


Thursday, August 23, 2007

Two Guys Followed Me Home

So Josie is summering with her folks in Delaware for two weeks (Ed note: She doesn't use the term "summering"). When I told Vic she was going away with her family for two weeks he went, "Ich."

"I know," I replied, "But I guess some people like hangin' with their family."

ANYWAY, I miss her. So much so that I decided to shave "I miss you" into my chest hair and send her a pic via cell phone. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Didn't seem like such a good idea at the gym when I had to change in the locker room.

Rock On,


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

My Worst Nightmare

I don't think I'm breaking new ground here by saying that guys don't really like talking about their feelings. 63% of all male/female arguments include a woman saying at some point, "Well, I wanna talk about it!" and a guy saying, "I don't want to!"

That's a fact. You can look it up.

Though I like to consider myself different than most guys, I am similar in that way. I like to deal with things that bother me by rolling it up into an imaginary ball and swallowing it (Memo to self: Get new Zantac prescription).

Now I'm dating a therapist, aka My Worst Nightmare (isn't that a cute pet name?)

The other day she asked how my writing's going. I answered I've been having a hard time for some reason.
"Would you like to explore that?"
I'm surprised she didn't ask me to lie on the sofa.

It gets worse......

We were lying on bed last week when Stewie jumped on and dropped the ball by her head. When she threw it, I said that she shouldn't have, because he was gonna keep bringing it to us now.
"I think you need to better manage your expectations."
"It's not me, it's Stewie!"
"Well, maybe you should better manage his expectations."
"I should manage my dog's expectations."
"That's right."

Maybe talking stuff out and managing expectations will be a good thing. Perhaps Zantac will even become a thing of the past...After all, it can't be good for Stewie.

Note - When she says these things, it's with an ironic self-aware tone - in other words, she's kiddin'...sorta...i think...but maybe not.

Rock On,


Friday, August 3, 2007

The Sickest Gift Ever?

As anyone who knows me, or has seen my act, knows, I don't always get the greatest gifts.

My last girlfriend was awesome at disappointing in the gift category (I was awesome at disappointing in every other way). Here are my favorite Christmas/Birthday gifts she gave me...

two air purifiers (is that a gift? Or a hint?)
sushi plates and chopsticks (that would be like me buying her a football phone)
a watch...Now, you wouldn't think a watch would be a bad gift, except for one thing... she got me the same watch I already owned. Why would she do such a thing? The window on my watch had broken and it had stopped. She thought it was a goner. $30 later, I had two of the same watch. (btw - anyone wanna buy a watch?)

I'd almost prefer she just did what my mom still does...gimme a card with 20 bucks in it.

ANYWAY, now that I got me a new chick, I have high hopes once again... a lot like how I'm sure Wile E. Coyote has high hopes every week of catching the road runner.

Josie went to Vermont last weekend, and promised to bring me back "the sickest gift ever."


Talking to her, she reiterated how "ridiculous" (in a good way) it was.


Upon returning, the first time I saw her, she forgot it... no biggie, but I was getting more and more curious what gift she could possibly find in Vermont that would be worthy of the "the sickest most ridiculous" gift ever.

I assumed it would be something syrup or Ben and Jerry's related. I would've also been thrilled with Ralph Macchio's headband from the first Karate Kid.

Last night I got my gift.

A pound of ground coffee.

Granted it was chocolate raspberry coffee, a favorite of mine, but the sickest, most ridiculous gift ever?

Can't wait for my birthday.

Rock on,


Thursday, August 2, 2007


As y'all know, I've had two-three day stubble for the last seven/eight years... problem was it made Josie's face look like she had just kissed sandpaper after a night with me. Though I argued that it was as if I was merely brushing away her dead facial skin like a good exfoliant, she chose not to see the forest for the trees, and though she didn't ask me too, I shaved it off.

Mike, the dude who sits next to me, said I look much younger... cool...younger is good, I guess. Thanks Mike!

Last night, I met Josie for dinner. Waiting for me in front of the restaurant, I walk up to her...she kisses me, feeling my face and says...

"It looks... different."


She claims that it was meant in a good way (I guess it would be like "Yo! Tha' shit is DIFF'RENT!!") -

Maybe I'm a victim of my upbringing, but all I could remember is sitting at the table and mom asking me and Rich what we think of her orange marmalade enthused spaghetti sauce and Rich going, "Umm, well, it's different."

So seriously, what do you think? Does Josie have a leg to stand on here?

I didn't think so...

Rock On,