Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Bachelorette Is An Idiot

Okay, so The Bachelor sucked but Josie insisted on watching this season's Bachelorette. I did think Jillian was pretty cool last season and was sorry she seemed to get screwed (and she has an AWESOME last name - Harris). But after watching her on The Bachelorette? I don't feel so bad for her...

It's fairly obvious that she gets "screwed" in matters of love because she's a moron. Not only have two different bachelor's bothered to tell her that Wes is there for "the wrong reasons" (btw - to me, the wrong reason would be to find love - who the heck thinks a dating show would be the best way to find a spouse?) but one of them, Jake, interrupted his regular life to come back after he was eliminated to do so.

Either Jake's got a little Walter Mitty in him ("Oh Jake, for coming back and exposing Wes for the jerk that he is, I want to end this competition and just marry you!...In spite of the fact that you're too perfect") OR Wes really is disliked by all.

Anyway, Jillian still gives Wes a rose at the end of last night's show, even though his response to the accusations seemed half-hearted at best. I expected him to ask, "Does anyone have tape of me saying I have a girlfriend? No? Then I don't."

At this point, I hope she does end up picking Wes. I'm sure the three of them will be very happy together.


Monday, June 29, 2009

...And That's How Josie and I Ended Up With Kilo.

As I (and you) should've expected, the adoption didn't happen.

The woman who was adopting Kilo e-mailed me last night to say her situation changed and she cannot take him. Needless to say, I, and my contact at the rescue org, weren't exactly happy about her about face ten hours before the hand-off was to take place, but what can ya do?

So, I'm sitting here typing this as Kilo begs me to climb onto the sofa ("No!", "Get Down!", "No!") every few minutes, whines as I eat cereal in front of him, and will scream bloody murder as I make any move to take him out for a walk in a half-hour.

But I wouldn't have it any other way...

Just kiddin' - told the woman form the rescue org to get a trainer over here pronto.

(Hey, I'm not Job).


Friday, June 26, 2009

You Can't Judge A Dog By Its Breed

I had to warn kids about approaching my last dog, Stewie, as though he looked like the sweetest lil 17 pound yorkie mix in the world, he wouldn't think twice before lunging at them with bad intentions.

I don't have to warn kids about approaching Kilo, as no one approaches a muscular, 50 pound pit bull mix. Too bad, as he's a complete sweetheart. Even at the dog run this morning, when another dog stole Kilo's ball, he just came back to me, tail wagging.

Monday, Kilo goes to his new (and hopefully permanent) home. Gonna miss him.


Thursday, June 25, 2009

Damn That Isaac Newton!

I was at the gym when this dude explained to me why he had a beer belly.

"I used to have a muscular chest but I slowed down my workouts and gravity took over, so now I have a gut."

Yeah, it's gravity.


Tuesday, June 23, 2009


The original version of the movie The Bad News Bears had a scene that I knew would never make it to the remake... sure enough it didn't.

Is that progress?


Monday, June 22, 2009

Excuse Me, But Where Is The Nearest Water Fountain?

Having a dog who is 50 pounds of muscle and pulls on the leash, even if he's choking himself, has unintended consequences.

You know, like when you're in the middle of picking up his diarrhea and he sees a squirrel.



Friday, June 19, 2009

Yes, He's Walking Me

I used to joke that walking Stewie was like walking a bumblebee - he was all over the place.

Walking Kilo, I feel like I'm in a Marmaduke comic...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Foster Parents

Craigslist is a dangerous place. You can get scammed (google "craigslist scams") killed (google "craigslist killer") or end up fostering an energetic, completely untrained pit bull mix.

Guess which one Josie and I fell victim to?

Wandering around Craigslist on Friday, I came across the ad for an older dog that was about to be euthanized. Though I'm not sure I'm ready for another dog yet, I pretty much decided this dog wasn't gonna die. Something good had to come out of Stewie's death.

His name is "Kilo." The name is in quotes cause I don't know if that's his real name cause "Kilo" doesn't respond to his name.

He's "nine" years old. The "nine" is in quotes because there's no way he's nine. He's waaaay too energetic, his eyes are too clear and his teeth are too white and solid.

When we asked the woman from the rescue organization what breed he was, she said, "Oh, he's part Staffie, part Terrier, I'm guessing part German Shepard, and maybe (cough, cough) part Pit Bull." When we got his official papers, in the breed category, it read, "Pit Bull Mix" (and his head is totally Pit Bull except for his ears, which are Terrier)

Anyway, I have no idea what his previous owner's deal was, but Kilo is completely untrained (though he does go to the bathroom outside). He barely knows "sit," forget about "stay," "down," or "fetch me my slippers."

Walking him is a challenge. He pulls with all of his muscular 50 pounds, even when I tried a choke collar (he sounded like he was choking, even while continuing to pull). He saw a squirrel this morning...I almost lost an arm.

He constantly cries, whimpers, and/or yelps. I assume he's sad cause he doesn't know what's going on...spent a week at the shelter and is now in another unfamiliar environment. Thanks to his stay at the shelter he also has kennel cough, really bad too. At least his diarrhea seems to be under control (he took two dumps in our apartment).

He's also really sweet, displays no aggression, wags his tail often and is pretty happy to just lie next to the sofa (though he oddly doesn't like being petted).

I'm happy to be able to help save such a great dog, whose definitely had some bad breaks.

Then again, I'm also saving myself.



Friday, June 12, 2009

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I'm Not Sure What's More Lame...

The guys on The Bachelorette, or that I skipped the gym this past week to watch it.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Monday, June 8, 2009

Better Post Tomorrow ...

For today, please vote for me here.

It only takes a second (and remember to vote for FIVE smiley faces - one of my "smarter friends" apologized to me for voting the one smiley face.)



Sunday, June 7, 2009

Overheard At The Gym

"I like Tru Blood more than Twilight...It's more real."


Friday, June 5, 2009

I Got Boo'ed At A SF Giants Game

Yes, boo'ed.

Okay, so Josie and I got tix to see the San Francisco Giants - our seats were in the second row of the upper deck, right behind home plate (great park, btw). Here is the view to the field... The important part of the pic is the gate...remember that!

Our seats were on (in?) the aisle. In the inning, the batter juuuust got under one, and popped it back towards us....and when I say "towards," I mean like "six inches away." At first, I cupped my hands, ready to catch it ("Two hands, Harris!") , but then I saw it was gonna hit the railing.

In that split second, I pictured it bouncing off at an odd angle, and smacking into my wife's beautiful face... I couldn't let that happen, so I bodied up in front of her, ready to take the blow myself (Josie recalls it a bit differently - she thinks I closed my eyes, shrunk down in my seat, and screeched...whatever!)

Anyway, the ball bounced a few inches away, off the step I was seated ext to, and caromed down to the level below us, precipitating said boos.

At least Josie said they were "boo's" - I thought they were chanting "Bloooooom!"


Thursday, June 4, 2009

Getting Old - Part Two

Second in a Series

San Francisco is ridiculously windy - We found out that 65 degrees here aint the same as 65 degrees there. Even having the wind at our backs, as we did for a half-hour walk from Fisherman's Wharf to The Ferry Building, isn't necessarily a good thing...as we both woke up the next day with back aches. At least, we assume that's why we both woke up with back aches.

Memo to self - If wind injures you, may be time to get back into the gym.


Wait...That's Us?!?

In San Francisco, Josie and I stopped to have our caricatures done...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I Left My Harp In Sam Clam's Disco

Just back from Napa Valley/Stinson Beach/San Francisco - fun times...more later, but for now, I'll just tell you that I managed to get booed at a SF Giants game, and almost got a tattoo because of said booing.

I do wanna thank the people behind Comedy Off Broadway, The Clubhouse, and Live at DeLuxe, for having me on. They are all great rooms, with packed shows. Thanks!

rock on,