Just Don't Look In The Closet

Okay, I'm not the most handy of men. That's been proven time and time again.

But this is ridiculous (and, yeah, I'm leaving it this way, as it was the best I could do)...

harris

We Have A Winner!

As told in my Breakfast Bigamy post below, I was conflicted about my choice of breakfast cart...until this morning.

Hungry, I decided to get the eggs/cheese/roll from Johnny Come Lately. Sure, he asked me about my weekend and all...I couldn't care less...but he gave me free bacon.

My choice has been made.

Harris

Breakfast Bigamy

For the last six or seven years, I've gone to the same breakfast cart on the way to work, and got the same breakfast muffin (the guy in it starts wrapping it when he sees me).

Recently, a new, bigger cart has opened its doors, well, window, closer to my office. And this one makes egg sandwiches. A few times during the past month, I've cheated on my regular dude to go to this WalMart of Breakfast Carts. I felt bad but hey, eggs!

Anyway, after getting eggs yesterday, I just went to my old guy and got a muffin today. Only problem is that I had to walk past WalMart, which I did...and the owner first smiled, but then, seeing I already had a brown paper bag, gave me a sad look like I stole his puppy.

So my choice going forward is either 1. eat at WalMart, eggs or otherwise, or 2. Walk three blocks out of my way to avoid The Eyes of WalMart.

harris

Shout Out

Today's Josie and my two year anniversary of our first date.

I have no idea what my life would be like without her, and I don't want to know.

Love you.

Harris

The Tell

At work, I can always tell when "important people" are here from our parent company - Lunch in the conference room is being delivered by the good Italian restaurant.

harris

Josie Isn't The Coddling Type

One would think that a husband's concern for his wife's safety would be met with adoring love by the wife. Not Josie.

Since yesterday's slight overreaction on my part, Josie's been calling me up, pretending to be kidnappers looking for ransom. Whatever...

I am used to her mocking my little eccentricities. For example, Josie thinks I'm a bit of a hypochondriac (I still have that pain by the way...jus' sayin'). I told her that I weighed myself and have gained ten pounds.

She said, "Funny you say that, I just read somewhere that the average brain tumor is ten pounds."

Can't wait till we have kids.

harris

My Wife Was (Almost) Kidnapped

When I got home from walking Kilo this morning, I fed him, took some cereal for myself, and walked into the living room. I thought it was odd that the bedroom door was open (I left it closed) with no noise emanating from the bedroom, so I peaked in. Josie was not in bed. I could feel a slight panic rise within. I called her name. No answer.

She had told me she slipped in the shower the other day so I ran into the bathroom, not really expecting to see her since the light was off, but I had to check. No one there. I called her name again. Nothing.

I looked around the bedroom - no sign of a struggle. I tried to reason with myself.

Why would anyone kidnap her? We couldn't pay any ransom. While sure, I do have lots of enemies, I don't think they care that much. She probably went to the gym. Yeah, that's the logical thing to think.

I thought about it for a second. Then I called her name again. Nothing.

I ran to the closets, again, not really thinking she was in there, even if this was a joke, she woulda given up already, but I had to check. Just clothes and shoes.

Then I remembered this weird call I got while walking Kilo. A hang-up from a foreign number (foreign to me, not from a different country). Someone with an accent was on the other line, but after I asked who it was, they hung up. By then, I was sweating. What the heck?!? I called her cell phone. No answer. Left a message, then a text message.

Ah, she must be at the gym. Pull it together, Harris.

I tried to act normal, put my work clothes on, watched NY1 for the weather report, etc. Then, I looked for a note - preferably one from Josie explaining that she went to the gym, but also, for a ransom note.

Forcing myself to act semi-rationally, I left the apartment for work, hoping to run into Josie on the way to the subway. I was going to stop off at the gym to see if she checked in, but thought better of it.

Seriously, Harris? Kidnapping is your immediate thought?

So, I got on the subway and went to work, all the while watching my cell to see any incoming calls. I watched other glum-looking people going to work wondering if they knew anyone who's been kidnapped.

I walked out of the subway trying to will the phone to ring. And it did...I saw it was Josie, or someone on her phone...
"Hey," Josie said, "Yeah, I went to the gym. Sorry I didn't leave a note."
"No problem," I replied, as cool as ever.
"If it was 'no problem,' then why'd you leave a panicked message for me pleading to call you immediately?"

Harris