Friday, May 22, 2009

Goin' Back To Cali, Outrageous, Contagious....

Heading west manana morning till June 3rd. Gonna hit Napa, Stinson Beach, and finally San Francisco. I will prolly blog once or twice (unless Josie can help it).

Anyone reading this in Oakland/SF, I'll be doing some shows while there...check my sched here.



Thursday, May 21, 2009

From The Key Grip Who Brought You...

I saw a billboard yesterday for the upcoming flick, The Hangover. It was advertised as coming from the director who brought you Old School, which was a good flick but did anyone see it and say, "Wow! What directing!" ?

It's not like it's Madea Goes To Jail, where the director should definitely put his name on top.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I Think Someone Had A Dream

Upon waking, Josie asked, "You would give me more than five minutes notice if you needed to go to Serbia to do Regulatory Accounting work, right?"


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Some Things Never Change (And Some Do)

Last Saturday was my year high school reunion. Yup, I brought the wife, just to prove to everyone, that, I did eventually start dating (see pic below and you'll get a good idea why I didn't date in high school).

Out of a graduating class of 773, only about 60 showed. To be honest, it didn't matter for me as they coulda had 500 there and I still woulda ended up leaning against a wall, begging my wife to pretend she was a classmate, so I wasn't the dude just talking to his wife.

A few bullet points (without the bullets) -

- Though I didn't wanna wear a name tag, it soon became apparent that if I didn't, no one would recognize me (then again, based on the pic below, that's prolly a good thing), so I slapped one on.

- I got a lot of "Hmmm...Harris Bloom...the name rings a bell" - I interacted with so few people that few really remembered who I was

- When I informed people that I was, in fact, on the bowling team, the normal response was, "We had a bowling team?"

- My favorite story occurred on the way to the reunion. A former classmate who picked us up at the train station told us that she got kicked out of karate school cause she refused to bow to her teacher, who she thought was too young.

- Maybe I've seen too many sit-coms, but I was expecting to see all the popular kids fat and down on their luck, and the losers to be models and captains of industry. But everyone seemed to be doing well...normal jobs, raising kids, still living in the area (for the most part). Good for them, but lousy for my stand-up act.

- A few classmates gave me an across-the-room thumbs up. I looked behind me to make sure they weren't gesturing to someone behind me but unless they were impressed by the wall, it was me. I walked over. Seems as though I was voted (informally) "Most Improved" - Still not sure i if it means anything (I mean, have you seen the picture?!?).

- I had crushes on three girls during my high school years - one was the "non-attainable* rocker chick," who didn't show - one was the "semi-attainable* cool chick" who did show, but any crush I had was gone - and the third was the "more-attainable* cool-geek chick" who showed, and I still had trouble talking to. In fact, the first time I passed her, I smiled, and think I muttered, "Hi." I don't even remember cause I was so nervous.

When I decided to talk to her later, I nervously fidgeted while watching her out of the corner of my eye (good thing I still didn't look like my pic..I'd have looked like a stalker), waiting till she was alone. I finally made my way over, and once I did, I was fine, talking like a normal person**. Guess I have changed since high school.

btw - did you see that picture?!?


* My definition of "attainability" would be as it relates to normal people, not me. None were even slightly attainable as far as I was concerned.

** This is also me performing - nervous beforehand, but fine once I hit the stage.

Monday, May 18, 2009

High School Reunion

Had my high school reunion Saturday night. Details forthcoming, but for now, I present to you, in all of its glory, my high school yearbook pic...

Friday, May 15, 2009

Rock Of Ages - My (Second) Review

Now that Rock of Ages is on Broadway, and my bud is making his Broadway debut (never that I'd ever write that sentence in my lifetime), I saw it again.

Really, a fun show - Constantine Maroulis is perfect for the role, the supporting actors are all good, and the back-up drummer totally rocks (Ronnie!!!).

I have to admit that I was in tears for most of the show, for the same reason people cried when Obama became President - I never thought I'd get to hear Quiet Riot on Broadway in my lifetime. Yup, same reason.

I don't like to brag, but I was in a band during high school. For a week. Our first song was going to be a cover of "The Time Warp" from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. We quit when we realized that none of us could play any instruments. Or sing. We were basically The Sex Pistols without the attitude or the drug habit.


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Then We've Got Bigger Problems

I don't know how to swim.

This bothers my wife as she recently expressed in an e-mail...

"What if we want to go on a cruise? Or Kayak in the Hudson? Or there's a tsunami?"

A tsunami?


One Article To Avoid

Featured "human interest" articles on Yahoo's main page are often ridiculous, but I think this one is the worst (only cause it's the current one - tomorrow will have a new worst).

7 topics to avoid if you don't want to be a bore? I can make an argument that not only are they all viable conversation starters at a party, but, conversely (or inversely?) to their point, all have ways the listener to totally join in.

I'm not gonna bore you with breakdown's of each...let's just do the first and last -

1 - a dream - now, obviously, if your dream is boring, then, yeah, don't talk about it...but then again, that goes with anything. And, if your dream story may enable someone else to talk about theirs...and the conversation blooms...

7 - The plot of a movie, play or book—in particular, the funny parts - Huh? How many party conversations don't entail discussing books, play, or movies, and especially the funny parts? I seriously think this woman must've had six, thought seven is needed for a list, and just wrote this down, even though it's asinine.

The only thing I don't talk about at parties is how I don't want Col. Jessup on that wall, I need him on that wall.

But I'd love to know what the author, Gretchen Rubin, does talk about at parties.

Than again, maybe I'm a bore at parties.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Stay Classy, Queens

I was walking around my old hood in Queens when I came across this sign in a liquor store...

That's what everyone's looking for in a wine, right? Slammability?


p.s. my friend said, "C'mon, it's not a chick!"

Ahh, Queens....

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Millionaire Matchmaker

I never watch the show as I find her nauseating but was flipping around yesterday when I saw her talking to someone in his 40's but was desperately, and unconvincingly, trying to look younger.

She said, "We'll get you some botox, change your hair, just try to youth-anize you."

Neither one of them laughed, smirked, or even changed expressions, so I assume neither one of them knew what she was saying.


My Doc Has A Case Of The Mondays

I never mind hearing "Ya ever have one of those days ya just don't feel like working?" from a co-worker.

I'm less thrilled when hearing it from my doctor.


'Nuf said

Someone asked me how my mother's day was.

I responded, "The food was good."


Thursday, May 7, 2009

I Wont Need Anaesthesia

I'm having a test done tomorrow where I have to drink only clear liquids today. My friend suggested Grey Goose.


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I Should Start An "Awkward Moment Of The Week" Series

Yesterday, it was raining (As it has been for three days) when I had to catch a bus. While waiting, an elderly black woman with a walker joined me, but she didn't have an umbrella. She thanked me when I asked her if she wanted to share my umbrella. And so began the most awkward ten minutes of this week.

I mean, seriously, after, "What 'bout this rain?" what else was there? I'll tell you what...

After two minutes - Man, where is this bus?
After five minutes - Is that it? No.
After eight minutes - No, I think that's a truck.
After ten minutes - Just so ya know, I voted for Obama.


Monday, May 4, 2009

Run For Your Lives!

Last week, Mayor Bloomberg tried out his Mother Bloom impression. I also heard Obama say that it was reason for caution, but not panic."

My question is...Will he let us know when it is time for panic?


Friday, May 1, 2009


Drove down (up?) to PA a week ago. In addition to a few regular gun shops, we passed one store that was advertised as a "Clothing/Guns Store"

I wonder if the "clothing" section featured bulletproof vests.