Monday, August 22, 2005

Scraping the Bottom of the Taco

(This one's too funny) -

Thanks to my dog's poor sleeping habits, I hadn't slept much this past week, so I decided to skip the open mic Friday that I was planning on attending, sit at home and watch the Mets. However, my "eh" show at NY Comedy Club on Thursday left a sour taste in my mouth, so I made the last second call to refresh my mouth with a trip to Maui Taco's (?).

Located on 5th Avenue btwn 32nd and 33rd, Maui Taco's in a two floor fast food taco place with a bar. I walked downstairs - as the bartender instructed - to greet the six or seven comics sitting around, eating tacos. There was one other table with about six people.

Long story short, we started the show, the MC talks to the only patrons there, asking them where they are from. In heavy accents, they replied...


"Wow, that's weird," she said, "And I assume you're all together." They looked at each other before nodding. "So what brings you here?"
Again, they looked at each other before the MC simplified it.
"Why did you come to Maui Tacos?"
Someone spoke. "We take Engrish crass next door at Empire State."

So, yeah, we started performing for the six tourists who didn't know English. Actually, only the first comic did, since they got up and left after he was finished.
It was worth it though just to watch their faces as the 55 year old comic joked that to him safe sex means "having a defribulator handy." They all sheepishly looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders as if he was speaking a foreign language. Good times.

I made it through my set without any miscues...though man, these open mics are tough...very few laughs...I have to admit, even though I was warned about this, my confidence is slowly eroding.

We'll see...

Rock On,


Monday, August 8, 2005

How'd My Second SHow Go? Not So Good

You know that nightmare some of you may have where you're onstage or in a boardroom, or wherever, and you're unable to speak while dozens of people watch you sweat and stammer?

Well, I had that nightmare Saturday night.

Except I wasn't sleeping.

I was onstage.

Yup, IT happened. Every comic's worst fear (no, not being hit on by Roseanne) was realized when one minute into my set, I froze. Totally incapable to remembering any of the rest of my act, I stood there for at least a minute and a half, trying to say something (anything!) while also trying to remember something (anything!) from my act.

I say "at least" a minute and a half, because I could've sworn it was four hours, but others present claim it was a minute. I have yet to view the tape because my VCR is broken (just not my weekend), but that's probably for the best as I could've seen me sitting on the floor all day Sunday, with my knees on my chest, rocking back and forth.

The ironic thing is that one of the producers told me that since I brought so many people that I was able to spend more time than normal on stage. If I were on any longer than I was, I may've electrocuted myself with the sweat that was dripping onto my microphone.

Everyone afterwards (friends and comics) told me afterwards how I recovered so well, but in truth, I would've had to walk off the stage if it weren't for Bronwen, who started shouting out my own bits to me.
"Where do you work?"
"Do you have a dog?"

I'm serious. (Thanks Bronwen.)

Even then, I was so flustered that I ran through them as if there was a buffet waiting me backstage.

The only person laughing during my set was my bro, and that was when I went blank. In fact, I don't think he was happier when his own baby was born. It was like the penultimate scene from Carrie. After the show, he took my tape from me for safekeeping, till I assumed him I wouldn't him it.

After going out to celebrate, I went home to cry myself to sleep. I woke up the next day to the sounds of my own screaming.

So anyway, thanks to all that came (all 28 - jeez!) of you...and I know you'll all disappointed (esp Rich) when I say this, but that's all for me. If it were fun, I'd do it again, but my extreme nervousness (including, but not limited to, shortness of breath, tingling sensation in my back, frozen extremities, profuse sweating, etc) makes it dumb and even perhaps detrimental to my health to continue.

If you'll excuse me, I've got some spreadsheets to fill with numbers.

Rock On,