Saturday, April 28, 2007

Better than Eggs?

Walking in supermarket yesterday, I saw this product - "Better Than Eggs" - Here are a few of the names they rejected...

Eggs Suck
Eggs - They Kill Puppies, Ya Know
This Won't Clog Your Arteries and Kill You like Eggs Will
Eggs - Official Food of Al Qaeda
I Can't Believe It's Not Eggs!
Much better than Eggs

All I know is I'd be pretty angry if I owned an egg company.

Rock On,


Thursday, April 26, 2007

So I Went to an Accounting Conference this Mornin'...

List of Assumptions that the Speaker Mentioned That Weren't True for Me...

- I'm sure you're all wondering how these new rules will affect your company.
- As you all know, a lot has happened in the industry since our last meeting.
- SFAS 157 obviously superseded EITF-0203.
- By now, we're all familiar with SFAS 159.
- You may've seen the article in the Wall Street Journal last week about fair value treatment.
- Everyone here knows what Brady Bonds are, right?
- As I'm sure you're all aware, the mission allowance market has taken off in the past few years.
- See y'all next time.

Rock On,


Monday, April 23, 2007

Chess with the Shah

Had a show at Gotham - one of the other comics on the card is around my level, but is ultra-competitive. When he found out I was performong too, he bumped fists with me while warning, "You better bring your A-Game...I sure am." Umm, yeah, whatever.

I did my set...did well. After he did his set (he did well too), he walked over to me, pretended to stick his finger in his mouth, then pretended to drag it on the ground, because you see, as he said, "He scorched the earth." Umm, yeah, whatever.

Afterwards, me and some friends who came (thanks Deeanna and Kim!) went to dinner. One of Deeanna's friends came by, wearing a suit, and a baseball cap backwards (the cap, not the suit). I'm already like, "Umm, yeah, whatever." But halfway through dinner, he told us that he was born in Iran and his father, being a big shot in the government, used to play chess with the Shah!

Chess with the Shah!

I immediately found him ten times more fascinating. SO from now on, especially on dates, I'm gonna tell people that my dad played tetherball with the Ayatollah. If they aren't sufficiently impressed, I'll add that my uncle played foosball with Noriega. That aughtta do it.

Rock On,


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The "C" Word

Being Jewish and all, I'm always worried about being classified as "cheap." Nothing's worse than being a cliché (though I wouldn't mind being yet another wealthy I guess I just don't wanna be a negative cliché). And I don't think I am (cheap, that is); but apparently Tara (girl I'm seeing) disagrees.

I had a spot at a bar last Friday night at 10 PM. I also had dinner plans with Tara at 7. I told her that we'd have dinner, I'd run to do my spot and then I can meet her back at her place, or I could just go home (we had plans for Saturday anyway). When I was about to leave, she suggested going with me to the bar.

"What? You don't want me to go? I thought I was being nice and supportive."
"You are, it's very cool of you to wanna go. The only thing is that if you go, I gotta take a cab, both ways."
"Well, if you ALWAYS accompany me to me spots, that's gonna cost a lot of money."
"You're joking, right?"
"I should prolly say 'yes' here, right? I also don't want you to wait with me...I dunno when I'm gonna get on."
"THAT I could buy, but that isn't your real reason."
"It could be?"
"But it isn't."
"No, it is!"

That's when she dropped the "C" word on me. Indignant, I carried on the conversation for several minutes; long enough so that fearing being late for my spot, I took a cab to my gig. Solo, natch'.

I walked home to partially make up the difference.


Rock On,