New Respect For Temp Dude

I overheard Temp Dude on the phone today (though "overheard" makes it sound like I was trying to listen...in truth I have no choice, anyway...) with some veteran's association trying to find out something about his benefits. After talking for twenty minutes with some bureaucrat, he said, "Can I talk to your boss, you're useless."

Of course, after he got off the phone, he stalked off talking to himself.

harris

I Don't Even Know How To Slither

I was telling this new joke in my act to my cube-mates, hoping to hear what they thought of it, since it's a lil risque, given my "clean cut" kinda persona.

"You're clean cut?" Temp Dude was incredulous.
"Yeah, why, no?"
"I dunno...the way you slither in here all the time?"
"I slither?"

harris

Get Him A Body Bag! Yeaaahhh!!

I used to worry that Temp Dude would kill me, but I swear, if he asks me one more time, "When's your next show?" I may be the one led out of here in 'cuffs.

harris

Now, I Care

As written previously, Temp Dude talks to himself. I don't really care.

I care a little more when, as I've heard more recently, he's also cursing during these conversations.

Friday, he was talking to himself, cursing, AND I think I heard my name in there.

harris

Yup, Things Are Slow

Here's Temp Dude "working"...

harris

Just Another Day

So new Temp Guy talks to himself...a lot. And he'll do so while punctuating his internal/external thoughts with arm movements. Kinda weird when he's walking around the office but, eh, who cares. Maybe he's a comic rehearsing his latest bit.

Yesterday, the security dude from the lobby came up to talk to my boss. Apparently, Temp Guy paces down there as well while doing the whole talking and waving his arms thing. Visitors entering the building are looking at him strange.

Love to see a tape of that.

Rock On,

Aitch

I Present You...New Temp Dude!

In the last few months, we've been through four temps in A/P. We would like to hire one of them full time, but can't as it is quickly apparent why these people are temps.

We just hired a new one... here's a few pics, though not sure if you can make out what he's doing:

Yup...he's sleeping.

Rock On,

Aitch

Rock On, Indeed...

I'm a big fan of Dan Kennedy's work, from his McSweeney's pieces , to his books.

For his latest book, Rock On (which I just linked to), he ran a contest to see who can write the best Office Power Ballads (you read that correctly).

I was one of the winners. Here is my entry (ignore fact my dog is named Stew) -

No One Like Stew
(To the tune of The Scorpions' No One Like You)

Man, its been a long time that we’ve been cube mates
I remember whenyou were a temp
And I made you fetch me coffee

Dude, nine to five aint no way to live life
Boring work, lousy pay,fluorescent lights,
Having one confidante is the key

There’s no one like Stew
I can’t wait for the days with Stew
‘Specially now that they fired ‘drew
Even filing is fun with Stew

No one like Stew
I can’t wait for the days with Stew
‘Specially now that they fired ‘drew
Even filing is fun with Stew

Bro, remember when your computer froze up
And they blocked us fromviewing some sites
My laughter could not be restrained

Oooh, Stew, if you ever decide to move on
You’ve got to give me aone-month heads-up
There’s no way that I’m gonna stay

There’s no one like Stew
I can’t wait for the days with Stew
‘Specially now that they fired ‘drew
Even filing is fun with Stew

No one like Stew
I can’t wait for the days with Stew
‘Specially now that they fired ‘drew
Even filing is fun with Stew

No one like Stew.
2X

Rock On,

Aitch

More Live Blogging!

My crack research team has determined that the sudden popularity of this blog (viewership increased 300% yesterday!) was not due to interest in Last Comic Standing auditions, but in the live blogging concept.

With that in mind, I will be live blogging my day here at work (updates will be done to thsi entry as I really dont see a need to make 15 entries today)....

9:03 - I walk in. Mike, the dude who sits next to me, smiles at me. For some reason, I wanna punch him.

9:39 - There's an argument in front me. Something about someone interrupting while someone else is sharing a boring story. I'm beginning to think that life is too long.

10:19 - Is it 5 PM yet?

11:37 - Someone just asked me how my audition went. I throw a stapler at her.

11:38 - I apologize for throwing a stapler.

12:01 - Apparently Temp Girl has something in her throat. She has had it there for three days. What's the waiting period to buy a hand gun? I shoulda looked into this three days ago.

12:41 - Dunno if I've mentioned this (and I'm too lazy to look back) but due to a lack of ventilation, the men's restroom in our building literally stinks. In fact, as you can see from the pic below, it smells so bad, the fabric is peeling off the walls:

1:26 - Cleaning my desk I ound another joke that Temp Boy wrote for me before he was dismissed -

Q - When does an accountant become angry?

A - When his accounts are out of balance by 3 cents.

Dammit, I miss Temp Boy

1:53 - Someone in the office has miniature Fast Break candy bars. I took one. It reads "Milk Chocolate * Peanut Butter * Soft Nougats"

Should "nougats" be plural? Is it normally spelled that way? Or are there different kinds of nougats, and this bar's got 'em all?

2:52 - I work for an Italian company. Most of the employees are here from Italy. Due to that, I get into arguments like the one I was just involved in - "Who's better, Kobe Bryant or Manu Ginobili?" (I realize that Ginobili is Argentinian, but still...)

3:14 - Just googled myself. Nutin' changed since this AM.

3:33 - I wish I were anywhere else.

3:56 - This is the time of day I usually wonder, "What to do for dinner?" Josie's got some clients tonight, so I'm on my own. Well, me and Stewie are on our own. I'm thinking burgers on the George Foreman Grill. Pretty sure Stewie won't object. Okay, back to e-mailing.

4:42- All I can think of is how my second grade teacher, Miss Winsch, told me I could be anything I wanna be...and I chose a Regulatory Accountant. Wish I stuck with "Astronaut" or, at least, "Anything Else."

This concludes my Live Blogging From Work. If viewed as a success, you can look forward to future Live Blogs such as "Live Blogging From the Gym" and "Live Blogging From My Living Room."

Rock On,

Aitch

Milton

As I may've (or may've not) mentioned, my office moved locations. This morning, Temp Boy asked me if I had his scissors.

"What?"
"My scissors. I put them in one of your boxes when we moved."
"I dunno, dude."
"Did you empty all your boxes?"
"What?!? Yeah, look, why don't you ask Vinny for brand new scissors."
"I will, no big deal."
"I know it's no big deal. It's scissors."
"Okay." And then he slowly walked away.

A few minutes later, he came back to my desk.

"I got scissors from Vinny."

Rock On,

Aitch