More Live Blogging!

My crack research team has determined that the sudden popularity of this blog (viewership increased 300% yesterday!) was not due to interest in Last Comic Standing auditions, but in the live blogging concept.

With that in mind, I will be live blogging my day here at work (updates will be done to thsi entry as I really dont see a need to make 15 entries today)....

9:03 - I walk in. Mike, the dude who sits next to me, smiles at me. For some reason, I wanna punch him.

9:39 - There's an argument in front me. Something about someone interrupting while someone else is sharing a boring story. I'm beginning to think that life is too long.

10:19 - Is it 5 PM yet?

11:37 - Someone just asked me how my audition went. I throw a stapler at her.

11:38 - I apologize for throwing a stapler.

12:01 - Apparently Temp Girl has something in her throat. She has had it there for three days. What's the waiting period to buy a hand gun? I shoulda looked into this three days ago.

12:41 - Dunno if I've mentioned this (and I'm too lazy to look back) but due to a lack of ventilation, the men's restroom in our building literally stinks. In fact, as you can see from the pic below, it smells so bad, the fabric is peeling off the walls:

1:26 - Cleaning my desk I ound another joke that Temp Boy wrote for me before he was dismissed -

Q - When does an accountant become angry?

A - When his accounts are out of balance by 3 cents.

Dammit, I miss Temp Boy

1:53 - Someone in the office has miniature Fast Break candy bars. I took one. It reads "Milk Chocolate * Peanut Butter * Soft Nougats"

Should "nougats" be plural? Is it normally spelled that way? Or are there different kinds of nougats, and this bar's got 'em all?

2:52 - I work for an Italian company. Most of the employees are here from Italy. Due to that, I get into arguments like the one I was just involved in - "Who's better, Kobe Bryant or Manu Ginobili?" (I realize that Ginobili is Argentinian, but still...)

3:14 - Just googled myself. Nutin' changed since this AM.

3:33 - I wish I were anywhere else.

3:56 - This is the time of day I usually wonder, "What to do for dinner?" Josie's got some clients tonight, so I'm on my own. Well, me and Stewie are on our own. I'm thinking burgers on the George Foreman Grill. Pretty sure Stewie won't object. Okay, back to e-mailing.

4:42- All I can think of is how my second grade teacher, Miss Winsch, told me I could be anything I wanna be...and I chose a Regulatory Accountant. Wish I stuck with "Astronaut" or, at least, "Anything Else."

This concludes my Live Blogging From Work. If viewed as a success, you can look forward to future Live Blogs such as "Live Blogging From the Gym" and "Live Blogging From My Living Room."

Rock On,

Aitch

The Secret Weapon

I'm in a crappy mood today, so I'll just post something I've been saving for a day when I was in a crappy mood and didn't feel like thinkin' of anything to post, which is, ummm, today (though I reserve the right to post any annoying overheard conversations at any time during said day).

ANYWAY, as you can prolly guess, if I haven't mentioned it already (and I have, so pay better attention), but as a comic, everyone has a great joke for me to work into my act. My favorite "helper" was Temp Boy. Before he left (okay, we kicked him out), he was kind enough to print out a few for the road, and here they are...Ladies and Gentlemen...without further ado, I give you.... Temp Boy:

Joke #1

Q - How do you make an accountant happy?
A - Make him to do batches all day.

Joke #2

Q - How many accountant does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A - Three, one to balance a shaky chair, a second to stand on the chair and screw the light bulb, and the third to walk around the room like a shark, pondering, and contemplating original bulb jokes.

Joke #3 -

Two busy accountants are sitting in a secluded cubicle running a tape in full speed. There is a tall wall, which prevents them to view what is outside. Suddenly, one accountant stops, thinks for a while, and asks the second one in a perplexed and confused manner, "I am wondering what is beyond that wall?" The second accountant says hastily, "Shhhhh!!!...is that a safe question to ask?"

Rock On,

Aitch

Why Me?

So The Temp just told me he has a great joke for my act.
"Ok, shoot," I said, as I rolled my eyes towards co-cubicle habitant Mike.
"There is a bathhouse where the changing room is across the street," Temp Boy started. He paused.
"Yeah?" I asked.
Looking at Mike and then me, he responded, "That's it."
Mike and I then looked at each other.
"Is that true?" I asked.
"No, I told you, it was a joke."
Mike explained, "No, it wasn't."

UPDATE: Because he assumed I didn't understand the joke, he drew me a picture. There's a building marked "BATH HOUSE" - a street, with two cars on it - and on the other side, a box, with a sign next to it: CHANGING ROOM.

UPDATE NUMBER TWO: He has a new joke for me...

Q - How many bald guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A - Wrong Question.... A bald guy is a lightbulb.

Just freakin' shoot me.

Rock On,

Aitch

Milton

As I may've (or may've not) mentioned, my office moved locations. This morning, Temp Boy asked me if I had his scissors.

"What?"
"My scissors. I put them in one of your boxes when we moved."
"I dunno, dude."
"Did you empty all your boxes?"
"What?!? Yeah, look, why don't you ask Vinny for brand new scissors."
"I will, no big deal."
"I know it's no big deal. It's scissors."
"Okay." And then he slowly walked away.

A few minutes later, he came back to my desk.

"I got scissors from Vinny."

Rock On,

Aitch

I Also Require Ring Dings at Exactly 3PM

So yesterday I told Temp Boy (his new nickname) that the new guy must bring me coffee every morning.

After walking in this mornin', he asked me if I take sugar or milk in it.

Rock On,

Aitch

Another Tale from the Front

So my boss was explaining to Mike (guy who sits next to me) something about "comparing those numbers are like comparing apples to oranges."

I interjected, "Why do we use 'apples and oranges' as a simile for opposites? I mean, they're both round, both fruits, both grow on trees...shouldn't it be more like 'apples and carburators?'"

About an hour later, Temp Boy, out of nowhere turned to me and said, "One is hard and one is soft."

"What?"

"Apples and oranges. You were saying how they are same, but I have difference for you."

I turned to Mike whose face was already red from laughing.

Why me?

Rock On,

Aitch

Sorry, Wrong Floor...Oooh, Can I Have Some Popcorn?

As I've mentioned, my office has moved. We are currently in a temporary space in our parent company's building until our floor is renovated. The kitchen is so small that there's no room for the microwave. It is here...





If you're wondering where that is...it's the hallway, right after stepping off the elevator. Here's a better pic...




The bathroom is right there as well. That's Temp Boy, after leaving the bathroom.


Enjoy your Lean Cuisine!


Rock On,


Aitch

I Wish I Were Joking

I walk in the morning and Temp Boy has two more jokes for my act....

Joke Number One - If monkeys love to eat bananas and squirrels like to eat nuts, women love to eat a bandanna while holding two nuts.

(btw - I know that I didn't hear him incorrectly cause he actually typed it out for me).

Joke Number Two - Why did it take the giraffe a week to understand the joke? Give up?....Cause of his long neck.

I made the mistake of saying, "But, their ears are next to their brain... the info wouldn't have to travel through their neck."

Steadily, he answered, "But giraffes listen with their butt."

Mike, who sits between us, asked, "You got it?"

I nodded, and then wrote this post.

Rock On,

Aitch