Tuesday, July 7, 2009

My Wife Was (Almost) Kidnapped

When I got home from walking Kilo this morning, I fed him, took some cereal for myself, and walked into the living room. I thought it was odd that the bedroom door was open (I left it closed) with no noise emanating from the bedroom, so I peaked in. Josie was not in bed. I could feel a slight panic rise within. I called her name. No answer.

She had told me she slipped in the shower the other day so I ran into the bathroom, not really expecting to see her since the light was off, but I had to check. No one there. I called her name again. Nothing.

I looked around the bedroom - no sign of a struggle. I tried to reason with myself.

Why would anyone kidnap her? We couldn't pay any ransom. While sure, I do have lots of enemies, I don't think they care that much. She probably went to the gym. Yeah, that's the logical thing to think.

I thought about it for a second. Then I called her name again. Nothing.

I ran to the closets, again, not really thinking she was in there, even if this was a joke, she woulda given up already, but I had to check. Just clothes and shoes.

Then I remembered this weird call I got while walking Kilo. A hang-up from a foreign number (foreign to me, not from a different country). Someone with an accent was on the other line, but after I asked who it was, they hung up. By then, I was sweating. What the heck?!? I called her cell phone. No answer. Left a message, then a text message.

Ah, she must be at the gym. Pull it together, Harris.

I tried to act normal, put my work clothes on, watched NY1 for the weather report, etc. Then, I looked for a note - preferably one from Josie explaining that she went to the gym, but also, for a ransom note.

Forcing myself to act semi-rationally, I left the apartment for work, hoping to run into Josie on the way to the subway. I was going to stop off at the gym to see if she checked in, but thought better of it.

Seriously, Harris? Kidnapping is your immediate thought?

So, I got on the subway and went to work, all the while watching my cell to see any incoming calls. I watched other glum-looking people going to work wondering if they knew anyone who's been kidnapped.

I walked out of the subway trying to will the phone to ring. And it did...I saw it was Josie, or someone on her phone...
"Hey," Josie said, "Yeah, I went to the gym. Sorry I didn't leave a note."
"No problem," I replied, as cool as ever.
"If it was 'no problem,' then why'd you leave a panicked message for me pleading to call you immediately?"



Caitlin said...

This sounds like that one time when Billy went out with his best friend for drinks and didn't come home until after 6am. I was sure he'd either been blown up in a subway attack or else hooked up with some high-rolling prostitutes who were offering him coke in their penthouse apartment. Turns out he'd passed out at his buddy's apartment in Astoria while playing Playstation 3. People have no idea how hard it is to have such an overactive imagination.

Harris said...

Well, not to get yer imagination workin' overtime, but the "prostitute" scenario and the "passed out in buddy's apartment" scenario aren't mutually exclusive.


Anonymous said...

This is the best post ever. I can't believe you told us that Josie slipped in the tub.