How Dogs on the Upper West Side Roll

Took this picture at my dog run....




Yup... Sushi and Chardonnay

Upper West Side dogs don't drink Merlot.

UPDATE: Someone called to tell me those are Champagne flutes... figures.

Rock On,

Aitch

Thanks Mom

My grandfather had Factor 11 – which I know sounds like a secret government base in the southwestern desert used for interrogating aliens – but it’s a form of hemophilia.

Although I didn’t have it, whenever I went to a doc with my mom, she’d always feel the need to tell him it’s in our family, and finish it with, “…you do know what that is, right?” The doctor would always look at her with a "Do I look like I finished at the bottom of my class, lady?" look on his face.

To this day, she still brings it up any chance she gets, making sure I remember that it runs in our family.

The other day, while working on my teeth, my dentist noted that it's taking a while because I was bleeding a bit. I had to fight myself not to start screaming, "Oh my God!! It's the Factor 11!!! Run for your lives!!!!"

Rock On,

Aitch

I Just Sat There

Hanging out at my bro's this weekend with the fam, when Josie mentions that she wants me to go kayaking with her in the Hudson.

Mom butts in, "Kayaking?!? Harris? He doesn't need to go kayaking! He can't even swim!"
"They give you life jackets,"Josie explains, "He'll be fine."
"Well, I don't think he should go." After thinking for a second Mom adds, "But it's up to you...see what kind of mother-in-law I am? I just gave you control of him."

Huh?

Rock On,

Aitch

The Blog Of Record

Oddly, the blog of The National Journal picked up my McSweeney's piece here (go to bottom) cause you know, it's so important.

Rock On,

Aitch

Eleventh in a Series

Here's Part 11 of a series I'm writing for reallysmalltalk.com...

There's Nothing Funny About Stand-Up Comedy

Rock On,

Aitch

Ugh

On Sunday, my mom told Josie and I that people who've seen our picture think we look like brother and sister.

We may never have sex again.

Rock On,

Aitch

If you recall, Stewie was recently on The CBS Early Show to test this new dog IQ test.

I have joked that I didn't know if I wanted him to do it for fear that we'll find out that he's smarter than I am.

ha ha, right?

Well...

Last night, I was putting treats into the kong toy for Stewie to get out. A couple I had to jam in there and tried to get them out, figuring Stewie wouldn't be able to. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to. I tried for a few minutes to no avail. Josie said that I should just give it to Stewie anyway...that's the idea...it'll give him something to do.

Two minutes later, he got them out.

Rock On,

Aitch