A Prisoner in my Own Building

A few Saturday's ago, after taking Stewie to the dog run, I brought him back and went out to get coffee. On my way out of the building, I asked the doorman if he wanted anything at the deli.
"Yes, coffee."
I stopped, and asked, "Anything in it?"
"Milk and sugar...thanks."

Though I didn't think he was gonna actually say "Yes," I didn't consider it a big deal. I didn't even think it was big deal when he didn't even offer to reimburse me when I got back. I mean, I woulda offered to pay but hey, I'm not everybody (which is good since then, EVERYONE would be awesome).
The next morning...same thing. I asked the doorman, and he said, "Yeah, coffee." And once again, though he thanked me, didn't offer any money.

Now, I ain't one of those rich Upper West Side types - the next benefit I do may be for myself. I figured if I kept getting him coffee every weekend morning, that would be over a hundred bucks a year...and that just ain't happenin'...so I've started to leave my building through the side entrance, avoiding the doorman.

It's that or pretending I'm reading a newspaper as I leave as I am NOT having this conversation 'round the holidays...

"Ummm, yeah, you must be wonderin' why I gave the other doormen 40 bucks each but nothing for you. No, you were great. Seriously, I barely had to touch a door. Well, there was that one time when you were giving directions to that Mexican kid delivering food to the wrong building but that was no big deal. What? Oh, that was in April. Yeah, I know, I do have a good memory...but again, that's not why I didn't give you any bonus. No, I swear. Why? It's because of the coffees I got every weekend for you...I mean it adds up, ya know? It's like a buck and a quarter every coffee...I know, you didn't ask for large but I thought you'd think I'm cheap if I got you small since you didn't specify. So it was a buck and a quarter times two, the weekend, times fifty two...every weekend. No, it's more than a hundred ten, it's more like a hundred thirty bucks. No, it is, I know cause I umm, did the math. See? Here...I have the tape from my adding machine. Really? You'd rather have the cash than the coffee? Okay, well, now I know for next year. And in the meantime, pretend I didn't give you a bonus cause of that incident with the Mexican kid...cause that was fucked up."
Rock On,

Aitch