Counting Down to Standing Up

Quick progress report on my attempt to get on stage and tell jokes to people that I don't know on july 9th -

When I called the New Talent person to announce that I will indeed be performing on July 9th, she said, "Okay, you really didn't have to tell me this soon but...okay."

I told her that I know that I need to bring four people, but I should have more - in fact, I asked, "Do i have to get a headcount for you?"
"Well," she replied, "they can make reservations through the regular number...but I don't even think they take reservations for that date this early."
"Oh, okay, well maybe I should call back every day to see which day they will take reservations - I wouldn't want anyone to miss out."

That last line was a joke

New Gimmicks that I have already Shelved...

1. Berate the audience for not laughing - Insist that I am much funnier than the previous two "losers" - throw grapes at them if necessary

2. Do the whole act as an impression of Chris Rock, including using his material - I figured, hey, if they laugh at him doing it, why not me?

3. Bring Stewie on stage, and perform the whole act with me holding a biscuit over my head as he constantly jumps on me to reach it - end the show when he quits and starts whimpering

I am still a month away and I cant sit still much less sleep, my stool is loose and I'm suffering from mild TMJ pain - by the time this thing happens, someone's gonna have to roll me out in a wheelchair and i'll tell the jokes through a computer like Stephen Hawkings (you know, the guy from The Simpsons)

Rock On,

Aitch