"Hey Buddy, this is Harris Bloom. Do I have a spot tonight? I remember you telling me I had one coming up but I forgot."
"Do you want one?"
Now, "free spots" are like gold to a fledging comic like myself (starting next and every Wednesday I'm gonna stand outside in the cold for two hours asking people if they like stand-up comedy for a 6 minute spot at the Comedy Village), so I said, "Sure," even though I was tired and knew it meant getting home past midnight. So at about 10 PM after ordering and eating dinner (Burritoville), I headed down to the NYCC.
Three subways later, I arrive at about 10:45 to see a small crowd outside the club and Buddy screaming at some twenty-something year old woman, who was walking away...
"You f**king c**t, you stay the f**k right here!! You're going to f**king jail!!"
I immediately thought, "That sounds about right."
The girl, totally trashed, implored her even more trashed friends to get out of dodge.
"C'mon, let's go!" Two of her friends were slumped against a building, another sat by the curb
But Buddy, checking his mouth from time to time, presumably for blood, wasn't having it.
"You stay right here! You f**king b**ch! Or I'll follow you!" And with that he started walking towards them. The girl walked towards him.
"Why don't you go ahead and punch me!! I dare ya!!" and then she turned to her friends and again yelled, C'mon!!"
This went on for about five minutes, during which I got the scoop (Buddy was escorting them out of the club for disturbing the show and being too drunk when she turned around and sucker-punched him)...police arrived...Buddy didn't press charges.
Of course anyone performing after this (she made a ruckus in the room as well) was fighting an impossible battle. So while I was doing my bit on my buddy's adult movie company, I saw this foreign dude in the audience talking to his friend.
I asked him, "You okay over there?"
"Yes," he started, "I just ask friend, 'What is this gawk,' you say?"
"Oh, that's like staring. You know, cause I was on the set of a porn flick."
"I see, so like I can gawk at you."
"Ummm, yeah, I guess."
"Will you act with me later?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Umm, no, thanks but that's not how this story's gonna end...
Yup, just another night at the New York Comedy Club