Dinner with Mom - Part Two

Note - see yesterday for Part One

So we walk the five blocks to One83 - new restaurant on Upper East Side (I really cant wait till I'm a famous author so I'll have a limo at my beck and call for such occurrences) - there's not many people there (it's 6:30 also) and the waitstaff is beyond attentive - i dunno if its standard there but there were at least three or four people catering to us (I really cant wait till I'm a famous author so I'll have six or seven...one will chew my food for me and feed me like a mother to baby bird)

I'm doin' this in reverse order in terms of timing because I wanna end with The Funniest Moment in The History of Mom Moments.

The Maitre d' was generous enuf to hook us up with a glass of port on the house (he must think I'm a famous writer or something). He brings over the glasses fer us (none fer mom as she doesn't drink) - when he places them on the table, mom noticed that one glass had more in it than the other but she kept the info to herself - oh wait, i'm sorry - SHE TOLD HIM THEY WERE UNEVEN - the poor guy was flustered fer a while blaming the bartender, until I said, "Don't worry about it" - he left...

My girlfriend and I tried our free glasses of uneven port....I made my usual "Moron Wine Connoisseur Face" - as i did it, the maitre d' walked past us as mom said, "If it's making you sick, dont drink it." And with that, my ulcer was that much closer to reality.

For dessert, I got the chocolate fondant cake - another phrasing of the chocolate cake with molten chocolate filling thats becoming as ubiquitous as Chilean Sea Bass on menus - not that i'm complaining - anhoo, mom gets coffee - they were tardy bringing her coffee, I was almost finished with my cake, so mom calls over the maitre d' - "Excuse me, I ordered coffee a while ago... but I dont want it anymore."
The Maitre d' apologized, splaining they were making a new pot or whatever, and the coffee came immediately thereafter - it didn't stop mom from telling me they shouldn't charge us fer the coffee.
"Ummm, mom, they gave us free glasses of port, even if they were uneven."
"Still."

Okay - the main event - here we go...

We get to tawkin' about mom's hair...mom splains how she thinks its too thick in the back and not tapered...just cut in a square - My girlfriend splains how she purposely did it that way because it'll look much better as it grows in, and she wont have to get it cut as often (or something like that...I was busy noticing that the average age of the patrons in the restaurant was 103) - so mom sez...
- are you ready?

"I see...so it's gotta look bad now so it'll look good later"

THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT EVERBODY - MOM'LL BE HERE ONE NIGHT ONLY - PLEASE, AS ALWAYS, TIP YOUR WAITRESSES!!!

Rock On,

Aitch