New Year Resolution

Last year, my new year's resolution was to join a gym - check.

This year, it's to go to the gym.

Rock On,

Aitch

From the Mouth of Moms....

The Setting: My brother's house....

The Players: My mom, Josie, my brother, my sis-is-law, my nephew, myself

The Backstory -Mom came to Josie and my apartment for Thanksgiving. Josie cooked. It is now one month later...

Aaaaannnnd action!

Mom - So Josie, what else did you get for Christmas?
Harris - The book...
Josie - Oh yeah, Harris also got me a book by Anthony Bourdain.
Mom - Who's he?
Josie - He's this famous chef.
Mom - Ooohh....so you're going to learn to cook?

Aaaaaaaaand Scene!

Rock On,

Aitch

Quiz

Which of the following are wrestling moves, and which are Japanese Candlestyick formations (which are technical stock market patterns, if ya didn't know) -

1. Gravestone Doji
2. Polish Hammer
3. Dragon Suplex
4. Shooting Star
5. Shooting Star Press
6. Hanging Man
7. Asian Spike
8. Downside Tasuki Gap
9. Mandible Claw
10. Atomic Drop
11. Abondoned Baby
12. Evening Doji Star
13. Corkscrew Plancha

Answers

Wrestling Move - 2,3,5,7,9,10,13
Japanese Candlestick Formation - 1,4,6,8,11,12

Rock On,

Aitch

Me and My Boss

My Boss: Did Tanner call you with the numbers?

Me: Ummm, yeah.

My Boss: How do they look?

Me: Good...I'll show you after.

My Boss: After what?

Me: After I'm done peeing.


Rock On,

Aitch

Bosco

My office moved from midtown to downtown a few weeks ago. It was done over a weekend, and my boss, nice guy that he is, didn't want me to have to come in unless there was a problem with the move.

When I was about to leave, the Friday of Moving Weekend, he asked me what was the password to get on my computer. I got nervous.

"Why do you need that?" I asked.
"I just want to make sure nothing happened during the move."
"I"m sure it'll be fine, besides, I backed everything up."
"That's good, but I still want to see."
"Well, maybe I'll come in."
"That's crazy," He said, and laughing, added, "Don't worry, I'm not going to look at your files. I dont care what you have on there."
"I'm not really worried about that."
"Okay, then just give it to me."
"Why don't I just come in?"
"What are you afraid of?" He was starting to get suspicious.
"Nothing."
"Then just give it to me. I'm saving you a trip."
"Okay, It's umm, "I", "L", "O", "V","E","J","O","S","I","E."
He snickered. I left.

Rock On,

Aitch

'Twas the Night Before Christmas (On Elm Street)

‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,
not a creature was sleeping, surely not Timmy Strauss

His traps were all set; he laid them with care.
In case he couldn’t wake from his latest nightmare.

As tired as he was, he wouldn’t dare close his eyes.
But not why you’d think, nor why you’d surmise.

He snapped at the band he placed on his wrist.
The pain was so great, his hand made a fist.

His pulse was racing – sweat dotted his face.
He said all his prayers, and repeated them – post haste!

“What’s going on? Why the fear?” You inquire.
“This night should be joyous, but Timmy’s so dire!”

The reason is simple Tim’s shaken to the core.
His expected caller’s not of Ol’ Christmas lore.

As you may guess, this won’t come as a shock
Even Santa himself fears young Timmy’s block.

But that’s what you get when your mailbox comes complete,
With an inscription that reads – six sixty six Elm Street.

So pray for young Timmy that he survives the night
His mom’s just kissed him and turned off his light.

A long metallic screech Tim heard from the roof
He hides under covers not waiting for proof.

He curls in a ball with his teddy bear beside,
As he pictures the guy with the face that looks fried.

But a funny thing happened on this Christmas Eve
The sound faded off, Timmy was quite relieved.

He got out of bed and ran to the window –
to see a fat bearded man with eight ‘deer in tow.

Timmy laughed at his fears, as his heart stopped racing
He breathed in deeply, his worries, erasing.
But on turning around, in true horror fashion,
Freddy Krueger stared down, Timmy’s face turned ashen.

I’ll spare you the details, but ‘twas was not a pretty sight,
A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good fright.

Rock On,

Aitch

Reasons Why Regulatory Accountants (my profession) Are Not the Star of Certain Genre Movies

Body Switch Movie - The Regulatory Accountant who turned into another person would run away, refusing to return for the climactic Realizing-That-Things-Were-Great-As-They-Were scene.

Mockumentary - There's nothing funny about Regulatory Accounting.

Superhero - Regulatory Accountant would find it difficult to continue making excuses to get out of meetings in order to save world again.

Romantic Comedy - Regulatory Accountants are too boring; not even Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler could make the audience care about them.

Coming Of Age - No one dreams of becoming a Regulatory Accountant.

Historical Drama - There were no Regulatory Accountants in the 19th century.

Rock On,

Aitch