NOW, the Fun Starts!

ANYWAY, a comic bud (Josh) e-mailed me on Friday, asking if I wanted to fill in at a benefit show for Relay For Life, a cancer organization, at Mercy College that evening. It was supposed to be at the soccer/track field.

"Sure," I said. HE told me that there were supposed to be 500 people there. "Cool."

The three of us (his other comic bud) took a train from Grand Central to the school. We spent the trip making fun of other comics (comics at my level are like high school girls).

When we got to the field, our collective faces dropped. Not only were there 75 people there (tops), but most were 'tweeners (i.e. between 10 and like 13/14). There were kids running around, some people walking around the track, and tents set up for bbq's. I saw the stage, which was about 50 feet from the seats.

"Seriously, guys, "Josh started, "If you wanna turn around and head back, I'm with you. Seriously." The other comic, Jim, looked at me.

"No!" I said, "We came here, we're gonna do it...it'll be an experience." Josh and Jim silently agreed, I think. "So where are we sposed to go?"

"The woman said to look for the tent with the two monkeys."
"You're not kidding, are you?"
"No."

We found the monkeys (they were blow-up dolls) and the woman.
"You guys will go up after the belly dancers."
"Of course we will."

Since no one else wanted to, I agreed to go on first. The MC tried to get SOME audience as everyone had dispersed after the belly dancers.

My first joke got nothing. Second joke more of the same. I tapped the mic and asked, "is this thing on?"
Jim said, "Unfortunately." I was being heckled by my fellow comics.

At one point, someone in the audience asked if I knew any "knock-knock" jokes.
"No, but you know why six hated seven?"
"Cause seven ate nine," Came the answer from several kids.
That's what I get for stealing jokes.

After one joke where I use the word "ventriloquism" in the punchline, some kid in the crowd asked, "What's ventriloquism?"
"Oh Lord, help me," I asked, eyes upward. I told a few jokes where I actually stopped in the middle realizing they aint gonna get it anyway.

Jim sent Josh a text (while he was onstage) - "YOU ARE BOMBING"

Unfortunately, Josh didn't check it while onstage, but he did tell a joke, got nothing, and proceeded to say, "You know, at Caroline's in NYC that joke got a 45 second applause break."

Jim and I were practically on the floor laughing. After he got off, I asked him if he realized how long 45 seconds are. Then I proceeded to show him, clapping for 45 seconds.

We were supposed to each do 15 minutes...we all bailed after about 8.

Best part was how after we got off, the MC got back onstage and announced...

"NOW THE FUN STARTS!!!"

Yeah, AFTER the comics. We didn't even stick around to find out what fun she was referring to.

On the way home, we didn't make fun of other comics as much as ourselves. Yup, another awesome Friday night livin' the dream.

Ack.

Rock On,

Aitch