Baaaaaaa!!!

If you didn't already know that people are sheep, last week was apparently "Doppleganger Week" at Facebook, where you were sposed to put up a pic of someone you think you look like (If I did it, it woulda been a pic of this dude I saw sitting at a table in Artie's Deli a few weeks ago - it was uncanny...seriously).

ANYWAY, I reminded (again) how people are sheep watching the Syracuse/Cincinnati college basketball game yesterday. Whenever the camera panned through the crowd, the Cincinnati student section all mugged by yelling at the camera while sticking their index finger in the air.

You're number one?

Based on....?

Harris

Is Mark McGwire Kidding?!?

If you haven't heard, Mark McGwire finally admitted taking steroids.

He said he famously refused to answer questions during Congressional hearings about steroids because he was protecting his family (he didn't have immunity btw).

He said he came clean now because he just got hired as hitting coach for the St. Louis Cards, and didn't want to become a distraction to the team.

So, basically, he kept quiet AND came clean to for others' sake. Is he a great guy or what?

In his interview he claimed they helped him with injury but didn't affect his power numbers. I dont have them in front of me, but I'd be willing to bet that his numbers from 1989 to 1993 paled in comparison to the period from 1994 to 2000 (or whenever he retired).

There is also talk about whether his admission will help his chances of getting into the Hall of Fame (He was named on 23 percent of the ballots last time...you need 75% for inclusion).

What?!?

Why should his chances be higher because he admitted to cheating (which everyone with half a brain suspected all along)? We should reward him for cheating because he decided to be honest?

Read that again.

Right.

Harris

Lotta Questions...No Answers

I was watching some show on the TLC channel (which, by the way, they should rename the "Thank God This Isn't You Network") when they went to commercial.

One commercial was for Jon and Kate plus 8, another was for Table for 12 (about a couple with 12 kids) and yet another for 18 And Counting (about a couple with 18 kids!).

I guess my question is - why does anyone watch the one with 8 kids (or even 12) if there's one with 18 kids? I assume people watch to see how these couples deal with all the kids, so wouldn't it make sense that they'd wanna watch the one with the most difficult job?

It kinda reminds me of buying bread in the supermarket. They have loaves of 8-grain bread next to 12-grain bread next to 15-grain bread.

Why would anyone buy the 8 grain bread? How long will it be till there's a 20 grain bread? Then again, are there 20 grains?

I have a headache.

Harris

So You're Telling Me It's Derivative?

This weekend, I started passing posters for this new horror flick, The Collector.

Under the title it said, From The Writers of Saw 4, 5 and 6. Now, I like horror films, and I didn’t even know there was a Saw 6. I did see the 4th one and all I gotta say is, I wouldn’t brag about writing it. It wasn’t exactly Catch 22. I mean, you’ll never see a mafia movie advertised as From the writer of the Godfather 3!

Harris

I Wouldn't Say I'm Overly Excited

Someone asked me if I was gonna see the new Harry Potter flick.

I replied, "Yeah, if Josie can't find anyone else to go with."

Harris

The Bachelorette Is An Idiot

Okay, so The Bachelor sucked but Josie insisted on watching this season's Bachelorette. I did think Jillian was pretty cool last season and was sorry she seemed to get screwed (and she has an AWESOME last name - Harris). But after watching her on The Bachelorette? I don't feel so bad for her...

It's fairly obvious that she gets "screwed" in matters of love because she's a moron. Not only have two different bachelor's bothered to tell her that Wes is there for "the wrong reasons" (btw - to me, the wrong reason would be to find love - who the heck thinks a dating show would be the best way to find a spouse?) but one of them, Jake, interrupted his regular life to come back after he was eliminated to do so.

Either Jake's got a little Walter Mitty in him ("Oh Jake, for coming back and exposing Wes for the jerk that he is, I want to end this competition and just marry you!...In spite of the fact that you're too perfect") OR Wes really is disliked by all.

Anyway, Jillian still gives Wes a rose at the end of last night's show, even though his response to the accusations seemed half-hearted at best. I expected him to ask, "Does anyone have tape of me saying I have a girlfriend? No? Then I don't."

At this point, I hope she does end up picking Wes. I'm sure the three of them will be very happy together.

harris

Progress?

The original version of the movie The Bad News Bears had a scene that I knew would never make it to the remake... sure enough it didn't.

Is that progress?

harris

I'm Not Sure What's More Lame...

The guys on The Bachelorette, or that I skipped the gym this past week to watch it.

harris

From The Key Grip Who Brought You...

I saw a billboard yesterday for the upcoming flick, The Hangover. It was advertised as coming from the director who brought you Old School, which was a good flick but did anyone see it and say, "Wow! What directing!" ?

It's not like it's Madea Goes To Jail, where the director should definitely put his name on top.

harris

Rock Of Ages - My (Second) Review

Now that Rock of Ages is on Broadway, and my bud is making his Broadway debut (never that I'd ever write that sentence in my lifetime), I saw it again.

Really, a fun show - Constantine Maroulis is perfect for the role, the supporting actors are all good, and the back-up drummer totally rocks (Ronnie!!!).

I have to admit that I was in tears for most of the show, for the same reason people cried when Obama became President - I never thought I'd get to hear Quiet Riot on Broadway in my lifetime. Yup, same reason.

I don't like to brag, but I was in a band during high school. For a week. Our first song was going to be a cover of "The Time Warp" from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. We quit when we realized that none of us could play any instruments. Or sing. We were basically The Sex Pistols without the attitude or the drug habit.

harris

It Tastes Fruity WIth Hints Of Oak And Metal

I just found out that the lead singer of '80's metal band Queensryche (yes, they still make albums and tour...in fact they are on one now...but they'll always be an '80's band to me), Geoff Tate (best voice in metal in my opinion) has his own wine brand.

After seeing Scott Ian (of Anthrax) bidding on necklaces at an auction on The Celebrity Apprentice this week, and now this, I'm expecting to hear that Lemmee from Motorhead is now a truffle farmer in the south of France (or where ever truffles are mined).

harris

The Celebrity Apprentice

I'd like to thank The Celebrity Apprentice for showing the world that Joan and Melissa Rivers are the most co-dependant mother/daughter team since Big Edie and Little Edie.

Though the Rivers' are far more annoying.

harris

Ugh

Continuing this series of Very Short Reviews (patent not pending), here is my thought on Junebug.

Horrible.

Until next time, this is Harris Bloom, signing off. G'night!

harris

My Review of Watchmen In One Word

Long.

This is a continuation of a series of very short reviews. For my expanded review, see below...

(SPOILER ALERT!!!)

Very Long.

harris

The Red Tie Mafia

I'm not a big fan of improv. I don't know if because I've seen too many sketches go on waaay too long, or it has to do more with my own fear of not being in control on stage (since you are so dependant on your partners, and vice versa). Prolly more the latter.

I did a set a few weeks ago, opening for The Red Tie Mafia, and I have to say, I really dug it (I mean I dug their improv, not me opening for them, though I dug that too, anyway...). The skits were fast paced, well done, and none lasted more than five minutes. I was exhausted and planned on saying my piece and leaving, but ended up watching practically the whole show.

So if yer in the mood for some improv, I recommend checking them out at Gotham Comedy Club, where they do their thang.

harris

30 Minutes Of Fame

It appears as though Melissa Rycroft, the bachelorette that Jason Meznick (hiss! boo!) spurned after the end of The Bachelor will be on Dancing With The Stars.

When asked why she was doing it, she replied, "I was afraid America would forget about me so I decided to whore myself out as quickly as possible."

btw - reading about Jason and Molly's joint appearance on Ellen, I can't say I like him any more, but I do dislike her more. So, uh, well done Mol!

harris

Pink Dolphins

Apparently world's first "Shockingly" Pink Dolphin has been spotted. If nothing else, I think General Mills should add them to their Lucky Charms cereal mix.

At trivia last night, our team was split over what to call our team. The winner was "Hope May Float But NFL Players Don't" (there were three team names with plays on that tragedy - it's a very mean league) but a couple members of our team thought it was too mean.

In honor of them, perhaps next week we can be "The Pink Dolphins." (Though I'd prefer, "Pink Dolphins Also Taste Like Chicken")

harris

Yup, They Suck

About a third of the people who found my blog through my Bachelor posts , did so by typing in either "The bachelor sucks" or "jason meznick sucks" (never mind that he spells it "mesnick")

btw - here are some apparently unedited emails between Melissa and Jason after. Click here.

First of all, it seems like Melissa got screwed twice - once by Jason, and then by her friend who sent these to Access Hollywood or where ever... unless Melissa is actually a part of this "leak," which shows her being strong, not a bad idea. Josie thinks the whole thing may be set up, which I can't rule out either. That's the thing with "reality" tv.

harris

The Bachelor - After The Final Rose: Part 2 - Where Jason Meznick sucks even worse

Okay, maybe the last part wasn't in the title, but it shoulda been.

So, yeah, as I said I would, I watched.

Had to see the train wreck come to it's screeching halt. My only regret is that it didn't take place after the first "After The Final Rose" aired (this was taped Friday, I believe) so the people involved would see how much everyone pretty much despises Jason Mesnick, and, to a lesser extent, Molly.

My favorite parts -

1 - Molly admitting that what people are saying bothers her - the funny thing about that is that all people had to go on were rumours, as this was filmed before the first one aired - I assume that this morning, she is in bed, curled up in the fetal position.

2 - "You hadn't seen each other since New Zealand." - How many freakin' times did Chris Harrison, Molly, and Jason have to tell us that - I had heard there were pics of Jason in Michigan, but at the very least, I refuse to believe they didn't text, e-mail, etc. Who in their right mind would believe that he was gonna dump Melissa and then possibly get rejected by Molly on national TV? We're not stupid.

3 - Jason seemed to indicate that he knew when he was walking Molly to the limo that he'd made a mistake (based on what she told him).

Huh?

First of all, I'll assume that was edited out as all we saw was her saying, "You're making a huge mistake!" Secondly, and this reinforces my thoughts from yesterday, how can he ask Melisa to marry him if he was suddenly having doubts?

4 - Stephanie seems to get creepier every time I see her. Not only did she somehow bring back her ordeal, by equating it with Jason's tribulations, but she spent her airtime apologizing for Jason. Awesome. Goodbye Stephanie (she strikes me as the kind of person who corrects anyone who calls her "Steph.")

5 - This is really "my least favorite part," but after Harrison read a statement from Melissa, Jason had to add his crap again, about how "she's the best," while sounding as if they told him to sound as condescending as possible.

This is why Jason never shoulda proposed to Melissa: They were doomed to fail. Fact is, no matter how great their relationship may've been, when he admitted to being in love with two people, you can't help but wonder what life may be like if he chose the other one (the old "grass is also greener" argument), so I'm not surprised that he couldn't really give Melisa any real answer or closure, cause it prolly wasn't her, it was him.

Anyway, that's it for Jason Meznick and The Bachelor...now, and forever (and yeah, that includes The Bachelorette - sorry Jillian Harris - great name though).

harris

The Bachelor Sucks (The show and Jason Mesnick, the guy)

Last night was the finale. As spoilers had us believe, Jason dumped Melissa, the woman he proposed to in the last episode, and asked Molly, the woman he spurned for Melissa, to take him back!

In pro wrestling, there are two types of bad guy - 1 - The kind that are just good at being despicable, so you root against them, and 2 - The kind that are so annoying, they make you wanna turn off the TV.

I'm afraid Jason Meznick, and the people behind The Bachelor fall into the latter category. Why? Let me count the ways...

1. He asked someone to marry him when he said he was in love with someone else as well (There was a precedent for no rings being given).

2. There are pics out there of Jason visiting Molly during the holidays, making last night's episode a sham (Her acting was pretty bad).

3. Jason trying to reason on Jimmy Kimmel's show last night that he was contractually obligated to dump Melissa on national TV (What would they do if he refused? Sue him? ABC would get killed publicity-wise).

4. Jason let Ty (his son) meeting his new mommy, and then, umm, un-meeting her.

5. After dumping Melissa, he had no problem making out with Molly on TV.

Anyway, that's the last Bachelor-related post I'll ever make as I'm through with the show.

As an added bonus of not watching, I'll never have to hear someone say "amazing" thirty times in an hour.

UPDATE: Josie tells me she will be watching tonight's AFTER THE WHATEVER IT'S CALLED - so, I guess I will too...and blog about how disgusted I am manana.

harris

p.s. if anyone's interested, here's my only other Bachelor related post (actually Bachelorette).

p.p.s. I just posted my thoughts on "After The Final Rose: Part 2" here, so check that out.