I Assume He Vacationed in Panama

Josie recently informed me that she used to work with someone named Dan Halen. Predictably, every time he asked her a question about anything, she would reply, "Ya might as well Jump."

My favorite part is that she tells me he didn't have any type of sense of humor about his name. She was even kind enough to tell him that if he referred to himself as "Daniel," no one would make fun, but, of course, he refused.

Best name I've heard since this guy (I'll bet he was smart enuf to go by Frederick)

Harris

The Tell

At work, I can always tell when "important people" are here from our parent company - Lunch in the conference room is being delivered by the good Italian restaurant.

harris

New Respect For Temp Dude

I overheard Temp Dude on the phone today (though "overheard" makes it sound like I was trying to listen...in truth I have no choice, anyway...) with some veteran's association trying to find out something about his benefits. After talking for twenty minutes with some bureaucrat, he said, "Can I talk to your boss, you're useless."

Of course, after he got off the phone, he stalked off talking to himself.

harris

Um, Yeah, It Is Tough (I Assume)

They are trying to reconfigure our office at work. The contractor was looking around the office and said to me, "You don't have much light. It must be tough to work at night."

My cube-mate and I smiled at each other.

harris

I Don't Even Know How To Slither

I was telling this new joke in my act to my cube-mates, hoping to hear what they thought of it, since it's a lil risque, given my "clean cut" kinda persona.

"You're clean cut?" Temp Dude was incredulous.
"Yeah, why, no?"
"I dunno...the way you slither in here all the time?"
"I slither?"

harris

How Many Thousand Words Are Two Pictures Worth?

harris

I Was Just Reminded At Work...

How much I hate to listen to someone slurp soup.

Thank you Pandora (and Motley Crue).

harris

Get Him A Body Bag! Yeaaahhh!!

I used to worry that Temp Dude would kill me, but I swear, if he asks me one more time, "When's your next show?" I may be the one led out of here in 'cuffs.

harris

Now, I Care

As written previously, Temp Dude talks to himself. I don't really care.

I care a little more when, as I've heard more recently, he's also cursing during these conversations.

Friday, he was talking to himself, cursing, AND I think I heard my name in there.

harris

Don't Ask

Sometimes I wish Terry Tate visited my office.

harris

Picture This (Cause It's Funnier)

I think there is such a thing as going a little overboard with the whole "energy conservation" thingy.

For example, the lights in the bathroom of my wife's workplace are motion sensitive. This sounds reasonable until I tell you that they are on a five minute timer AND it only registers motion outside the stalls.

So, if yer in a stall for more than five minutes, you have to open the door and flail about to get the lights back on.

harris

Yup, Things Are Slow

Here's Temp Dude "working"...

harris

To The Victor Goes The Lame Prize

I won my holiday office raffle yesterday - my prize?

A weekend getaway to... (hold for it)...

Tarrytown NY!!

For those of you not familiar with NY, Tarrytown is in Westchester, NY - not twenty miles from Manhattan (where I live).

Not only that, but it's in a Sheraton - awesome.

Our plan is to take the train there, check in, rent a car, and drive to Manhattan to have fun.

harris

If/Then Question

Too busy to write about my honeymoon and deal with being tagged, so I'll just quickly relay a short conversation I had this mornin' with my office bud...

Me: What would you do if you were on the subway, playin' on your cell phone, when someone takes and smashes it.
Bud: Is it a guy or a girl?
Me: Let's say it's a guy.
Bud: Oh, it's on.
Me: What? You'd punch him? Ask him why? Slap him?
Bud: I'd start swingin'.
Me: Just like that.
Bud: Just like that.
Me: And what if it's a girl?
Bud: Is she black or white?
Me: What's the difference?
Bud: Well, black women are nuts. I ain't gonna mess with her then.
Me: What would you do if she was white?
Bud: I'd have to ask why.
Me: What if she said, "Cause I felt like it!"
Bud: Wait...if she had a bag, I'd rip it from her and throw its contents out. Yeah, that's what I'd do.
Me: (checking watch) Only seven hours and thirty eight minutes to go.
Bud: Yup.

Rock On,

Aitch

I Think We Were Both Winners

My boss and I were looking for an accounting rule on the Internet.

He found it first.

Prolly cause I was busy seeing what heppened to The Karate Kid's mom's job.

Rock On,

Aitch

I Would Like To Be At The Follow-Up Meeting

This is an e-mail my friend who works elsewhere got a hold of...

XXXX,

Pursuant to our voice mail exchange, here is an email with my observations -- and please note that they are based on my first three days on that floor (I was on E 3d floor before), so the data may not be representative, and that's why I wanted to talk so this doesn't get blown out of proportions.
I refer to the men's room in the Northern part of the building, where I found the following state of affairs:
- Overfull wastepaper baskets beginning mid afternoon (with used paper towels falling out on the floor);
- yesterday, one of the two paper towel dispensers not giving out any paper for most of the day (still the case this morning);
- the cleaning log sheet for yesterday was not kept in a meaningful way (whoever does this doesn't understand that one doesn't sign off in the morning for all day...)
I also received a comment from a female co-worker that the E2d floor ladies room presents a general state of uncleanliness which causes her to go to the third floor facilities.

Also, since we are talking feedback, two things that are bothering me, but I have never been able to tell anyone:
- There is a tendency among cleaning suppliers/bathroom keepers/vendors to use a more narrow kind of toilet paper (about an inch missing) than others, or than the kind one uses at home. I am sure this is to save trees and cost, but personally, I think that is saving pennies at the cost of great discomfort and dissatisfaction to the user.
- I also think that our restrooms are not ventilated enough, and that there, like in many other parts of the building, fresh outside air is hard to come by.
I understand these are facilities much-used by a lot of people, and again, these are very personal observations, very preliminary, not to be taken too seriously, but I thought you might want to know. Let me know if you want to discuss.

Best Regards,

XXXXXX
Deputy General Counsel

(I love that it's a lawyer)

Rock On,

Aitch

The Urinal Situation

I dunno what genius designed the urinals at work but they are waaaay too close together. Here's a pic....

If I'm in there and I hear someone else enter the restroom, I move over slightly to make sure he doesn't get any ideas on trying to squeeze in (no one has tried...they use a stall).

btw - Woulda been funny if someone walked in while I was taking this picture. Woulda made the "meeting in the bathroom" experience just that much more awkward.

Rock On,

Aitch

I Hear The Jets Signed Some Old Quarterback

I am a Jets fan.

Having said that, I was kinda dreading the Jets trading for Brett Favre. Why? Because of what is going on in my office this morning....

Mail Dude is also a Jets fan. He's been going around chanting "J! E! T! S! JETS! JETS! JETS! Get your tickets to Tampa!!" (Tampa is where Super Bowl will be)

Best was him telling the importance of this to a college-aged female intern here from Italy.

She was watching him with an expression that said, "How the heck did the U.S. get to be a superpower?"

If I don't post or respond to comments this afternoon, it may be cause I feigned an illness and went home.

Rock On,

Aitch

Just Another Day

So new Temp Guy talks to himself...a lot. And he'll do so while punctuating his internal/external thoughts with arm movements. Kinda weird when he's walking around the office but, eh, who cares. Maybe he's a comic rehearsing his latest bit.

Yesterday, the security dude from the lobby came up to talk to my boss. Apparently, Temp Guy paces down there as well while doing the whole talking and waving his arms thing. Visitors entering the building are looking at him strange.

Love to see a tape of that.

Rock On,

Aitch

I Present You...New Temp Dude!

In the last few months, we've been through four temps in A/P. We would like to hire one of them full time, but can't as it is quickly apparent why these people are temps.

We just hired a new one... here's a few pics, though not sure if you can make out what he's doing:

Yup...he's sleeping.

Rock On,

Aitch