A Harris Bloom Thanksgiving

When we went around the table to say what we're thankful for, my mom asked, "Can I say what I'm sad about?"

Good grief Harris Bloom.

Harris

'Nuf said

Someone asked me how my mother's day was.

I responded, "The food was good."

harris

My Wife May Need An Intervention

As you know (or should, being a faithful reader and all), my wife works as a therapist, specializing in sexual assault cases. She's attending some classes to get a new license.

The teacher asked everyone to tell the class about what they do to unwind. Josie said, "I watch Intervention," which is a reality show on A & E, dealing with peoples' addictions.

She wasn't even kidding.

harris

Thanksgiving (With The Mennonites) Pictures...

Here Stew! Would Ya Like Some Chocolate?

Every year, Josie's family heads to Spruce Lake for Thanksgiving. Last year, we didn't go as Stewie was ill.

This year, we've already bought the bus tickets...we're going.

"Spruce Lake Retreat - Pointing People Toward Christ"...Here we come (on Friday)!

Rock On,

Aitch

Um, wow.

Without getting into the gory details, my nuclear family isn't exactly on best of terms with some of the extended family. We got back our wedding response card from one of the latter.

Not only did they check off the "Sorry! We are unable to attend because we have something really important to do" box, but, they felt the need to write in below, "Absolutely not able to attend."

Oooooo....Wait till I tell mom!

Rock On,

Aitch

They Both Do Start With S's

Went to Josie's parents' house last night for dinner. They ordered seven sushi rolls and one entree for seven people.

When we questioned whether enough had been ordered, her father declared, "Don't worry, we have salami in the fridge."

And that's' what we ate...sushi and salami.

Rock On,

Aitch

Sucking My Thumb in the Fetal Position

You know how we supposedly regress to childlike states when presented with a pressurized or scary situation?

Well, during my vacation, I made a few "glue balls" by applying Elmer's Glue to my palm and then rubbing it into a ball. Haven't done that since like third grade.

Wonder what that says about my readiness for kids.

Rock On,

Aitch

Dinner Differences

One thing I learned going away with Josie's family (besides never jokingly tell a 4 year old about to go into the water "Watch out for the sharks!") is that after they have three helpings of everything on the dinner table, they pass everything around for a fourth.

When I grew up, after having one serving of mom's spaghetti and meatballs with Saucy Susan, we were all pretty much ready to get up and see what's on TV.

Rock On,

Aitch

...And I'm Back

Got an early show that I gotta get ready for so I'll write later.

But I gotta tell ya...

Going on vacation with your girlfriend....relaxing.

Going on vacation with your girlfriend, her parents, her brother and his wife, their four year old girl AND their three month old twin boys? Not so much

Rock On,

Aitch

Quick Note From The Shore...

Remember how Josie's niece wasn't all that thrilled with me when we first met?

Well, now I'm her BFF - When she's not asking me to "silly dance" with her or read cards while making faces, she's climbing all over me.

I've taken to pretending to sleep to get some rest.

I guess this is to be filed under "Be Careful What You Wish For"

Hope everyone's doing ok...

Rock On,

Aitch

Awwww

Based on our sarcastic, yet laid-back nature, I'm pretty sure that if/when Josie and I have a kid, his/her first word will be "Whatevs."

Rock On,

Aitch

Disappointing (Ed. Note - Please forget how I originally spelled this)

So my mom met Josie's parents yesterday. Had dinner in the city. I thought about asking them permission to tape the conversation since I didn't think I'd be able to remember everything.

Turned out to be fairly boring - though, I'm pretty sure the waitress wanted to hit my mom.

Best exchanges occurred when mom was talking about all the things she has in her purse...

Mom - I have an umbrella, a raincoat, with a hood, a hat, a bag to put the hat I'm wearing in so it doesn't get wet. I have a Viagra pen...
Josie - Harris's mom works in a Parkinson's doctor's office...so she gets stuff like that.
Josie's Mom - They use Viagra to treat Parkinson's?
Mom - No, that's for men to help them, get their uh-huh's, you know.
Harris - Check , please!

Rock On,

Aitch

One Pic From Passover

I call this.... BeetleJuice....


There's a comic who does a bit about what a big head he has. Looking at this pic, I think I could do the reverse.

Rock On,

Aitch

Not Nearly As Bad As I'd Pictured It

So, we did it. Here are some highlights...

1 - Josie kept asking me to try the matzoh balls she was making, as if I'm some sort of jewish gordon ramsey ("You call these matzoh balls?!? I wouldn't serve these to my dog!!!")

2 - One of my friends actually attempted to read The Four Questions - he quit when he realized that no one was listening.

3 - Josie bought this sweet, red wine that a recipe called for. It was prolly the worst wine I've ever tried. Never again will we buy wine that sez on the side "Contains 0% Juice."

4 - One of Josie's friends had never tried gefilte fish before. Gamely, she nibbled at a piece. Her reaction?

"It's not horrible but I'm not gonna eat any more."

5 - My macaroons came out awesome, so awesome in fact, that Josie suggested I sell them as...are you ready? Wait for it...wait for it...

MacaBlooms!

(What can I tell ya?)

6 - We got into a "Who's the smartest person you know" debate. It ended as it usually does - blood everywhere, police, mugshots.

Rock on,

Aitch

A Break From Tradition

Every year since I can remember, about a week or two before Passover, my mom and I have had the same conversation ....

Mom - I'd love to make Passover dinner, but I'm too tired.
Me - Okay.

It was a very short conversation.

Thanks to Josie's presence at a pre-Passover lunch this year, that conversation was slightly altered...

Mom - I'd love to make Passover dinner, but I'm too tired.
Me - Okay.
Josie - We'll do it!
Me -Huh?

And so, this Saturday, thanks to Josie (thanks a lot), we are gonna have mom, my bro, my nephew, and a couple of friends (after hearing about this, they want to see the spectacle) over for Passover dinner.

Josie's actually making matzoh ball soup, Charoset (btw - you wouldn't believe how I spelled this before looking it up), etc.

Even though I don't recall volunteering, I'm making the macaroons.

Rock On,

Aitch

The Mennonite Wedding (First of a possible series)

First of all, for those that don't know, Mennonites are an offshoot of Amish. I believe they're slightly less ridiculous (Yes, that's the official definition).

ANYWAY, Saturday, Josie's mennonite cousin got married somewhere in rural Pennsylvania so I got to meet the entire clan. We got up at seven to take the train in Seacaucus at eight for a three hour car-ride to the wedding. Oh boy.

So, the wedding.

First of all, when we got there the bride and groom were taking pictures on a tractor. The tractor that they drove in on, and will go home in (on?).

While the bride wore a simple white gown, the groom, and male members of the wedding party were dressed in black. Black shirt, black jeans, and yes, black cowboy hats. For color, they wore red ties. Nice touch, I must admit. I asked Josie's mom if that was a mennonite tradition, she replied, "No, they're just cowboys."
"Oh."
They looked like Doc Holliday and his gang looking for Wyatt Earp. By the way, the groom and best man never took their hats off.

The ceremony included four hymns, performed live with a band (including a drummer!). Oddly enough, the reception did not have a band. Religious music was piped in. Obviously, there was no dancing. There was also no alcohol. I felt like I stumbled onto a remake of Footloose.

The food was set up in the front of the room, buffet-style. I can tell you exactly what they had: String beans, potatoes (au-gratin?), and ham loaf. Yes, ham loaf.

When i ate it, I thought it was meat loaf. To be honest, I thought it was really good. It was only later when I found out it was ground up ham. I wish I knew before, I would've studied it more...than again, maybe I was better off not knowing.

If you're wondering if there were any choices, the answer is yes - They had two styofoam dishes, one with ketchup, and one with bbq sauce....for the ham loaf.

Finally, at most weddings, people clink glasses to make the bethrothed kiss, right? Not here...they had a tip jar. In fact, when one table started clinking their silverware (the glasses were plastic), the bride picked up the tip jar and shook it.

After we left, Josie told me that they want to visit us in New York.
"That should be funny."
"Why? Cause they've never been to New York?"
"Well, that, and can you imagine trying to find a parking spot for a tractor?"

Rock On,

Aitch

I Smell A Grammy

I was at my bro's yesterday, hangin' with the fam. At one point, my four year old nephew wanted to play "Rock Band."

He "played" his drum set. His grandma "played" guitar, and I played the plastic drill (there were no more instruments).

Imagining what we looked like, I decided to name our band Three Generations of Crazy.

Rock On,

Aitch

First Impression

Over the weekend, I had dinner with about twenty-five of Josie's relatives. It was the first time I met her extended family.

May've made a faux pax when I noticed a picture of The Last Supper on the wall and asked her 91 year old grandfather, "Which one is Brutus?"

If he didn't know I was Jewish, he does now.

Rock On,

Aitch

Kids

Hung out with Josie's family yesterday. They made ravioli from scratch. I have trouble making Chef Boy R Dee, but whatever...

Usually, I don't care about other peoples' kids. I don't find their spitting up "cute" nor do I find them reciting the alphabet "incredible." But her three-year-old niece is an exception....

Maybe I ain't aound many kids but she seems to not only be ridiculously smart, but also, well, just ridiculous. Case in point....

We were at the playground yesterday, and another, somewhat older child wanted to play with her. The niece literally shooed her away with a hand gesture while stating, "Why don't you go do your own thing?"

Now, that's a kid after my own heart. (Is that the saying? I'm not even sure... but you know what I mean.)

Rock On,

Aitch